The Clouds Will Drift Away
by rentAgleek
Summary: Mr Schue began an amateur theatre group in Lima. The first production is Spring Awakening - and Rachel is not happy about the casting. It's about Quinn, Jesse and Rachel. St Fabray, St Berry, Faberry. The summary sucks :/
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

_**Ok, so I had a this really good idea the other day and I had to make a fic! The chapters for this are shorter than the ones for my other fic, but I will be updating this one much more. Please review at the end of the chapter! Enjoy :)**_

He read over the email one last time, still unsure about his decision. The rest of the cast had been selected, and he was confident he'd made the right choice. But Rachel Berry had always been difficult. He sighed and hit send.

After the cancellation of Rocky Horror last year, Will Schuester decided to form a small, independent amateur theater group, to give the kids a chance to do some serious theatre outside of competitions. He had told the New Directions to audition for the Lima Young People's Theater Group's debut production - Spring Awakening.

Rachel Berry strode into the rehearsal studio. She was an hour early, but that was how she liked it. She shrugged out of her coat and walked towards the piano. Rachel felt the familiar pricks of tears in her eyes, but she blinked them away. No-one else had to know how angry she was about the casting. To calm herself, she began to play the show's opening number, Mama Who Bore Me, and soon her voice filled the room. There were many songs that Rachel could relate to, but this song was especially poignant to the girl because of her mother, or lack thereof.

As she flawlessly sustained the note at the end of the bridge, she heard a voice behind her. It was quiet, but authoritative. 'That's my song', it said. Rachel stopped singing and spun around, even though she knew who the voice belonged to. Blonde hair waving gently down, resting somewhere below her shoulder, a perfectly manicured hand resting on her size zero waist, Quinn Fabray had arrived.

'What?', was all she could bring herself to say. Rachel had always felt deeply inadequate next to Quinn in every aspect of her life - appearance, popularity, relationships - but music and theatre was Rachel's turf, and there was no way Quinn Fabray was better than her. 'Your part?', she asked incredulously. When Rachel had recieved her email informing her that she would be playing Ilse, instead of the part she auditioned for - Wendla - she had been really upset. She knew some people from other schools had auditioned, and assumed it was a girl from another district. Not anyone from New Directions, least of all Quinn.

But Quinn was nodding and unzipping her jacket to reveal a shirt with the phrase 'Haven't You Heard The Word Of Your Body?', and Rachel frowned. 'Oh please, you just ordered that from , there's no way the good little christian girl who's never seen RENT would know anything about Spring Awakening. And what did you do to make Mr Schue give you the part, huh?', she challenged her, but at that precise moment, somebody walked in and both girls forgot their argument.

He nodded briefly at the two girls, not meeting Rachel's eye, and took a seat in the far corner. They didn't know what be was doing here - there was no way be was in the show - but he took out a well thumbed libretto and began reading. Quinn and Rachel glanced at each other, mouths hanging open. It was Quinn who spoke first. 'Um, what part did you get?', she asked. The man glanced up at her. 'Melchior. And you?', he asked, directing his question only to Quinn.

An expression was forming on Quinn's face - an odd mixture of shock, excitement, fear and hesitation. She answered slowly. 'I'm playing Wendla', and he looked somewhat relieved. 'Do you want to practice one of our songs? Before the others arrive', he offered. Quinn nodded. 'That would be really helpful, thanks', she told him gratefully. They both strode towards the piano, he complemented her shirt, and that's when Rachel lost it. 'Am I just invisible, Jesse?'

**_What did you think? Reviews are the saints to my berries...also anyone who knows where the title is from gets a shout out :)_**

**_PS if you want a total St Berry fic, then check out my story called In The Lima Heights. It's all St Berry, from start to finish. Also the chapters are longer, and people seem to like it...it contains drugs and heavy smut though, so if that puts you off then don't read it. However, this fic will have some smut at some point...something to look forward to ;D_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_**Ok, so this is chapter 2. I was a bit upset that there were no reviews for chapter one, particularly as quite a few subscribed to the story...so please review at the end of this chapter! Anyways, enjoy! :)**_

Jesse St James turned back to face her. 'Well, I sure was invisible to you these past few months. Rachel, I flew all the way from Lima to New York. For you. Then I arrive, only to be greeted by the sight of you with your tongue down someone else's throat. You ignore all of my calls, texts, emails, and you seem to have forgotten that we kissed in your auditorium. I love you, Rachel Berry. Do you have any idea how it feels to be in love with someone so much that it hurts, and they don't even know you exist?'

Rachel was shocked. She didn't know how to respond, so she changed tact. 'Jesse, I'm with Finn now. We can be friends?', she offered. For a moment, Jesse's face crumpled, but he quickly regained his composure. 'No thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me, my co-star and I need to practice', he answered. He joined Quinn at the piano. She shot Rachel a smug look before selecting a song. Jesse's hands moved up and down the piano, as he played The Guilty Ones. Quinn's soft voice glided through the score, Jesse joining in. Rachel watched and listened, jealous.

She had always wanted to play Wendla, ever since her dads took her to New York to see Spring Awakening. After the performance, she had taken her playbill to the stage door, and Lea Michele, who played Wendla, had signed it. Rachel thought the actress was the loveliest person shed ever met, and she was struck by their physical similarities. She knew that she simply had to play Wendla. And now Quinn Fabray was ruining everything. For god's sake, the girl didnt even know what a Tony was.

As they began the second chorus of the song, Rachel had to admit that Quinn and Jesse sounded quite good together, hell, this was the best Quinn had ever sung. But that didn't change things. More than anything, Rachel was pissed that Jesse was mad at her, and he actually had reason to be so.

Finn had forbidden her from contacting Jesse in any way, and because Rachel was so desperate not to screw things up with him this time around, she'd obeyed. It hadn't been easy - after the basics of calling and emailing hadn't worked, Jesse had mailed her handwritten letters, splattered with tears, and CDs of himself singing to her. They had been especially hard to ignore. But Rachel knew Finn cared about her, so she didn't respond to anything Jesse tried.

Finn himself walked into the room, which jerked Rachel out of her thoughts. He frowned when he saw Jesse. 'What the hell is he doing here? Did you call him? After everything I said?', yelled Finn. Rachel opened her mouth to explain, but Jesse cut her off. 'It's his fault? He's the reason you didn't contact me?', he asked. 'Finn asked me not to talk to you. And I obeyed', Rachel mumbled. Jesse rolled his eyes. 'Unbelievable. I wouldn't expect anything better from Fists Hudson, but I thought you made your own decisions, Rachel. And in answer to your question, Fists, I'm here because I landed the male lead. How about you? Ensemble? Or did Mr Schue pity you enough to give you Otto?', he said maliciously.

Quinn giggled. Finn merely looked confused, although that was nothing new. Rachel answered for him. 'Finn is playing Moritz', she said, not meeting Jesse's eyes. Jesse's jaw dropped. 'You mean I have to pretend I actually like that jerk?', he asked her. Rachel paused. She hadnt even comprehended that. Finn nudged her. 'What's he talking about, Rach? I still get to sing that song about butterflies with you, right?', he asked. Jesse groaned. 'Please, do not try to describe any song from Spring Awakening like that again. Don't Do Sadness / Blue Wind is not about butterflies. Its Moritz's emotional collapse before he takes his life, combined with Ilse's longing for the innocence of childhood, now lost forever. Frankly, I think you don't have the emotional depth to play this character', Jesse told him. Finn stared at him like he'd just spoken pig latin.

Mr Schue walked in. 'Oh, hey you guys. You're all pretty early', he greeted them. Rachel pointedly turned her back on him. 'Rachel. I am your director now. This isn't like school. If you are disrespectful, tardy, or display a negative attitude in any way, I'll just ask you to leave the production. I understand you're unhappy about the casting, but you need to be professional', he told her. Jesse nodded. 'That goes for anyone', he said. Finn frowned. 'It isn't up to you', he said. Will spoke. 'Actually, it is', he said. Jesse smiled. 'I'm assistant director'

**_Ok, so that was another short chapter, next one is longer. REVIEW! or I might not continue..._**


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the cast arrived. Santana was Martha, Tina was Anna and Brittany was Thea. Mercedes was on vacation, so she hadn't auditioned. Rachel approved of the female casting - aside from herself and Quinn, of course. The male casting was more controversial.

Puck was Hanschen and Kurt was Ernst. Puck hadn't known anything about Spring Awakening, he only auditioned because his mom wanted him to stay out of trouble over the summer, so when he found out he was playing a gay man, he wasn't happy. Kurt wasn't worried about his part - Ernst's solos would sound beautiful in his falsetto - but he was disappointed that he didn't have the part he had actually wanted. Kurt had auditioned for Wendla, but Mr Schue had told him gently that singing female songs in glee club was fine, but he couldn't play a woman. So Kurt had asked to be cast in whatever role Mr Schue thought was best.

Rachel privately thought Puck or Blaine would have made a better Moritz than Finn, but she wouldn't voice her opinion. Besides, Blaine said he wasn't ready to do a piece of theatre as challenging as Spring Awakening, so he hadnt auditioned - he was going to play piano and sing harmonies. Sam was happy to be playing Georg and Mike was Otto, after he auditioned at Tina's insistence. Artie was also on vacation.

Obviously she was excited to sing a duet with Finn, her boyfriend, but she wished more than anything that she was singing with Jesse - their voices sounded perfect together, and frankly she wanted the lead role with a male who could keep up with her vocally, rather than running to keep up,  
>like Finn did.<p>

Mr Schue was going to play the Adult Man, and he'd asked Miss Pillsbury to play the Adult Woman. After Quinn had sung Mama Who Bore Me, as Rachel seethed with anger, her and Emma acted out the opening scene, and Rachel was surprised at how convincingly a guidance councillor could play a woman scared to talk about sex.

'But who can I ask but you?', said Quinn. Rachel couldn't hold it in any longer. 'NO!', she yelled, standing up. 'You're not using any emotion, you ignorant bitch! You're a scared fourteen year old, you're having these feelings, experiencing these changes, and you don't know why, or what they mean. You're desperate to know, so you're BEGGING your mother, because there's no-one else to ask. And now she's threatening not to tell you anything, and that scares you, because if she doesn't tell you, you'll have to live with this hell of not knowing for even longer! WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?', Rachel screamed.

'I'm sorry', Quinn stuttered. Will comforted her. 'Don't worry, Quinn. This is only the first, rough run through. It doesn't matter if you don't get it right the first time. Rachel, I know you have good intentions, but calm down. Not everyone understands this show as deeply as you. Ok, onto the Reprise!', he ordered, and the other girls got up.

Rachel held her water bottle as a mic, and took advantage of Ilse's lines in the last verse. She sang loudly, easily drowning out the four other girls. She saw Mr Schue put his head in his hands. Jesse was trying to suppress a grin, and Finn hadn't noticed anything was wrong. As she effortlessly held the last, jaw dropping note for longer than any of the others, Jesse stood up. 'I'll deal with this', he told Will. 'Rachel. You're extremely talented. No-one doubts that. But when you're singing a group number, it looks bad if you try to make it about you. Save it for Blue Wind', he told her. He was speaking to her in a monotone, devoid of the usual expression he had. 'And fyi, it's unprofessional to criticise your co-stars', he said as he sat down again.

Rachel was actually speechless. She knew Jesse was right; of course she did. She'd never act like this in a professional production. Fuming, she nodded silently and sat down, folding her arms. The run through continued.

Jesse and Finn as Melchior and Moritz was ridiculous to watch. Jesse, ever the professional, was acting perfectly. Rachel was impressed; an outsider would genuinely believe that they were friends offstage as well as on. Finn barely looked at Jesse in their conversations, and spoke monotonously. Mr Schue said it didn't matter, it was only the first run. But Rachel could tell he was worried.

The rest of Act One passed by quickly; Will didn't want to run the My Junk scene with the guys yet, and he said he needed to work separately with Quinn and Jesse on the beating scene and the hayloft scene. He let the cast break for lunch, and Rachel told Finn to eat with the other guys. 'Why?', he asked. 'Just some stuff I need to sort out. See you in an hour', she smiled, and kissed his cheek. She thanked god that Finn was easily fooled. The truth was, she wanted to eat with Jesse.

Rachel hung back, wanting to get Jesse on his own. However, he walked out with Quinn, and to Rachel's annoyance, they sat on a bench together just outside the Lima Community Theatre. She walked towards the small parade of shops and cafes opposite. About to stroll into The Lima Bean, like usual, she stopped and ducked into the Starbucks. She didn't want to run into anyone, and no-one ever chose Starbucks over The Lima Bean. It was insanely expensive in comparison - but it was inconspicuous, and it had a window seat so she could keep an eye on Jesse and Quinn.

As she sat down, clutching salad, nuts, a soy latte and a vegan flapjack, she watched them on their bench. Rachel took out her SA libretto, but it was cover - in truth, she was spying on them. Jesse opened a small flask, and poured something orange into cups for Quinn and himself. Rachel recognised it as virgin Sex on the Beach - he'd done the same to her. She felt a lump in her throat. 'Stop it', she told herself. 'You're with Finn. He loves you. And you love him. Besides it's not like he'd like Quinn - not in that way. Jesse is...not supposed to be on my mind. Ever', she reaffirmed to herself as she ripped open her mixed nuts.


	4. Chapter 4

Jesse watched as Quinn took a sip of her drink. 'This is really good, thanks', she said. Jesse smiled. He hadn't really talked much to Quinn during his time at McKinley, and when she had talked to him, she'd been quite rude. However, as she was pregnant, Jesse guessed she wasn't always like that. He remembered his mom being pregnant with his sister, and the way she used to snap at him for the slightest thing, or burst into tears for no reason. So he felt that Quinn deserved a second chance.

'Jesse?', Quinn said, bringing him back to the present. 'Why are you being so nice to me?', she asked. 'Well, since we're going to be co-stars, I figured we should try to get along. Actors that have good chemistry offstage perform better. I think some of the scenes would be quite awkward if we didn't know each other', he replied. 'I guess you're right. Look at Groffchele', she mused. Jesse stared at her in awe. 'How do you know about Groffchele?', he asked.

Quinn laughed. 'Despite what Rachel says, I do know about Spring Awakening. My dad won two tickets in a charity auction at work, and he took me to see it', she said. Jesse laughed. 'Oh my god...didn't he know what it was about?', he asked incredulously. 'No! He had no idea. He thought it was a nice happy musical about children living in the forest with animals...it was so embarrassing!', she remembered. 'I can imagine. But you enjoyed it?', he asked her. She nodded. 'Of course. How could I not? But he made us leave at the interval. So I never found out what happened', she told him sadly. 'Well. I read the synopsis on wikipedia when I got home, but still...I wish I could have seen it. And he never let me see it, not on Broadway, not on the tours. I want to see it', she confessed.

Jesse didn't reply straight away. He looked at her face, full of longing, flushed with excitement about the show. She'd always been beautiful, but now Jesse could really see her. And she was breathtaking. 'Give me some time. You'll see it. Just watch me', he grinned at her. 'I'll be waiting, St James', she said, laughing.

The two of them shared lunch, and talked about everything - school, music, politics, food...Quinn laughed at his stories of UCLA, Jesse gasped when she said she'd never seen RENT, and they discovered they had a mutual love of pasta, and a mutual hatred of Sarah Palin. Jesse found he could easily be himself around her, and she seemed to enjoy his company. He was happy for the first time in months.

Quinn glanced at her watch. 'Shit!', she said, getting up. 'We're late!', she told him. Jesse's eyes widened. 'Looks like we lost track of time', he said as he gathered up his things. They ran back to the theater, Jesse mentally kicking himself for not keeping track of time. They stepped inside, only to be greeted by the rest of the cast staring angrily at them.

Rachel glared at him, and Jesse tried to ignore the tears that threatened to pour every time he looked at her. 'We've been waiting to start Act II. You guys are up first - The Guilty Ones, go', Will ordered. They muttered apologies as they sat down. 'Remember what I told you this morning, about your first chorus?', he whispered to her. Quinn nodded. 'Volume, but not too much power', she whispered back. Her breath tickled his neck; it was sweet and warm. He stopped himself from enjoying the scent, told himself she was just a friend.

Quinn started to sing. 'Something started crazy, sweet and unknown...', she sang. There was something about her voice; Jesse couldn't put his finger on it. It wasn't the best voice he'd ever heard, far from it...but at that moment, there was nothing he'd rather be listening to than her. It was the simplicity, the way it was untouched. She didn't sing too loudly, she lacked significant power. She didn't overload him with emotion, she didnt try any riffs or quirky pronunciation, and for that he was grateful. She just sang the notes. Nothing fancy, just pure.

Jesse knew he could easily listen to her singing, in a casual situation, whilst he was driving, thinking about something, and she would glide unobtrusively through his thoughts, providing a comforting sound in his mind. But then again, he could lie in bed, in darkness, and listen. He could take the time to hear every note, the effortless way she managed to permeate every word with a hint of emotion, the breath taken before each phrase. He could spend hours listening to her, nothing but her, and never get bored. When she began her chorus, following Jesse's instructions perfectly, he felt a painful but pleasant jolt in his chest. He rarely felt this; but he knew what it was. A musical orgasm. Oh no. His attraction to Quinn Fabray was undeniable now. He couldn't avoid it; he couldn't lie to himself any longer. But she couldn't know...could she? She didn't feel the same way about him...did she?


	5. Chapter 5

**SORRYYYYY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY...ok so yes there was a long ass hiatus, as gleeks you guys should be used to it...but still. i do have an excuse - i wrote all the rest of the story on my phone and then the wifi in my house broke so ive been unable to email them to myself as i usually do. anyways, here are the next TWO CHAPTERS just to show how much i love you. **

**you might want to go back and re read the first few chapters to get back into the feel of things, its up to you. and (a reminder, you may have forgotten/not know) but its 3 chapters per person - the first 3 were rachel, the last one and these 2 are jesse, the next 3 are quinn. then back to rachel if the story is going well and so on. **

**enjoy and please do review as it will encourage me to continue this!**

**Chapter Five**

'Blue wind gets so sad, blowing through the thick corn, through the bales of hay…', Rachel's familiar voice soothed Jesse's ears after the vocal murder he had just witnessed. Finn Hudson had just destroyed one of his favourite songs, and no-one had said anything. Will had used his 'first rehearsal' excuse again. He was beginning to suspect that Finn had only been cast because he was Will's clear favorite. Rachel had hated the performance; Jesse knew her well enough to tell by her facial expression. But she wouldn't dare criticise the golden boy. Quinn had listened, and kept quiet, but from the look she gave Jesse halfway through, it was clear she wasn't loving it. He himself had, of course, tried to voice his opinion, but he was cut off by Rachel purposely rushing to say her line. Jesse sighed. Rachel. He still loved her, he knew he did, because every time he looked at her, he just…felt it. But it wasn't the same as before…maybe because he hadn't seen her in so long? Or because she wouldnt speak to him? He was so confused.

He wanted to hold her forever, but he wanted to ignore her forever too. His feelings were beyond confused, and now Quinn Fabray had inadvertently complicated things for him even more. He looked at Quinn and he felt something comforting. It wasn't overwhelming; it was just perfect. When she smiled, he smiled. When she did something well, he felt a swell of pride. They had enough in common to get along, and enough differences to make things interesting. But mostly it was her voice. He didn't know why, her voice wasn't particularly special - but at the same time it was. With Rachel's voice, he always knew she would deliver, he always knew she'd be flawless, he always knew he'd be blown away. It was an inevitability. With Quinn, there was more…mystery. Whenever he looked at her, he felt his heart thud in his chest, something he hadn't felt for months. There was so much hidden behind her eyes; Jesse was constantly trying to figure her out. He wished he could be closer to her, and he couldn't seem to get her scent out of his nose. He scolded himself for thinking about her like that. Hell, he shouldn't be thinking about her at all; she was a friend. A friend and nothing more. But…was this how people thought about their friends?

Jesse stood up to sing Left Behind. Singing sorrowfully about Finn Hudson…this would be challenging. Because he hated Finn, he tried to think about a real friend, to convey the emotion. He decided on Quinn - she was a friend - but his mind kept wandering to Rachel. When Quinn crossed infront of him to lay a lily on the grave, his heart thudded. When Rachel crossed, and lingered, his heart didn't really do anything. This confused him - he was meant to be singing about a friend he cared deeply about and instead of singing about Quinn, someone who was supposed to be his friend, it turned into a song about Rachel, who he was supposed to love. That's when he realised. He couldn't force his feelings to be something different to what they actually were. He couldnt say things were supposed to be a certain way. He had to recognise, and not deny emotion. 'I have to go', he said in the middle of the chorus. Jesse ran out of the room, he kept running, got into his car, and hit the steering wheel in frustration. It was clear to him now, it was black and white. He liked Rachel Berry. But not romantically. Not anymore. Because Quinn Fabray had stolen him now.

Jesse fumbled with the keys. He had to drive, had to get far, far away from here. That's when someone climbed into the car. She was confused. 'Jesse? What's going on?', she asked him. He shook his head, but knew she wouldn't give up. He drove away, not sure where he was going. But that didn't really matter. Nothing really mattered.

Jesse drove back to his house. His parents had permanently relocated to Bali, and left the old family house with Jesse. He liked this arrangement; the housekeeper cleaned twice a week, there was no-one to stop him doing whatever he pleased, and he felt like he'd achieved independence…even though he was living off his parents' money. He didn't miss his parents exactly; he hardly saw them growing up, and less so after high school had finished. They weren't his parents, they were more like those distant relatives that people tend to only see once or twice a year for forced handshakes and impersonal conversations, receiving an occasional awkward, inconvenient phonecall or a present purchased out of guilt that would only gather dust. The St James family was seriously screwed up.

Jesse opened the door, motioning for the girl to enter. They made their way to his bedroom. She was extremely quiet - unlike her. 'Sit down, Rachel', he said, gesturing to the chair. She did so. There was a moment of silence, and then she finally broke it. 'I don't know why I'm here. Finn's gonna kill me', she murmured quietly. Jesse replied, 'why? It's not as if anything's gonna happen', but Rachel shook her head. 'I want something to happen', she whispered. Jesse didn't protest as she leaned in slowly, or as her lips made contact with his. Jesse kissed her back - it was a reflex - until he actually thought about what he was doing. He felt…odd. It wasn't unpleasant, exactly. But it wasn't giving him the sensation in his heart, the feeling in his stomach that it had in the past. And his pants weren't tight in the slightest. He kept kissing her regardless.

Jesse noticed it was easier to be distracted or allow his mind to wander, which definitley wasn't right. He found himself thinking of Quinn. He wondered if Will had postponed rehearsal after his impromptu exit. He thought about what Quinn was doing, right now. Would she have gone home? Maybe she was taking a shower…her golden hair fluffed out with the steam, her skin damp and smelling of roses…her naked body…Jesse felt himself getting hard, and he straight away stopped himself from thinking about Quinn, and focused on Rachel.

He opened his eyes, still kissing her. Upon seeing her half shut eyes and her cute nose, he felt an almost nauseous shudder rise up inside of him. This was wrong. Undeniably so. Jesse pulled away and tried to figure out how to explain himself.

'Look Rach, there's no easy way to say this, but…I can't do this. With you. There's someone else', said Jesse, not really sure why he had just said that. Rachel's lip wobbled and she suddenly burst into tears. 'Breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of my life. I hate Finn. I tried to kid myself that he was sweet and good for me…but he's not. He's inconsiderate, stupid, and he doesnt understand theatre! I'm in a dead end relationship, I'm unappreciated by my castmates, and I'm in love with someone who doesnt love me back', she cried.

Jesse watched as she buried her face in her hands and her body began to shake with sobs. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. 'I'm so sorry. Truly I am. I understand why you'd be angry at me, I dont know what I was thinking when i kissed you back…regardless, I can't be with you. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. Or to…to her', he said, deciding not to reveal it. 'you need to break up with Finn, though. You shouldn't stay stuck with him if you're not happy. And Im sorry that you love me - I just cant love you anymore', he told her. Rachel pulled away, picked up her bag and headed towards the door, pausing to look back at him. Jesse could tell that she was working extremely hard to stop herself from crying. 'I dont love you Jesse. Kissing you was an attempt to make myself love you. You, Finn, Puck…it was all a lie. I love someone else', she said steadily. 'Goodbye, Jesse', was the last thing she said to him.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Jesse St James lay on his bed, his stereo booming out Queen's Greatest Hits at full volume. He was in the biggest funk he'd ever found himself in. He felt an odd sense of relief that things were now cleared up with Rachel - but her last words were ringing in his ears.

He had assumed that Rachel was in love with him - especially as she'd initiated the kiss - but clearly this wasn't the case. Who could she possibly love? He mentally compiled a list of all the glee guys and crossed off each boy in turn. Not Finn. Not Puck. Kurt and Blaine were struck off too. Jesse couldn't see Artie as Rachel's type. That left Mike and Sam. Mike was with Tina, and didn't have much singing talent, which was important to Rachel. Santana and Sam were kind of up in the air…but he was the only guy left. So it had to be him. Jesse found himself not feeling particularly jealous. But he knew why that was. Hed distracted himself with Rachel's problems long enough. Now he had to face his own.

He liked Quinn. That was all. Just the right amount. Not too much or too little. And it was a simple, raw attraction, not complex or overwhelming. Yet it consumed his mind. This wasnt exactly a new concept to Jesse. His dating history read like a particularly twisted soap opera plotline.

Jesse St James had always been popular with the girls. And the guys. He'd first kissed a girl in sixth grade. Or was it fifth? He could never remember. He had a couple of girlfriends in middle school, nothing serious though. Middle school relationships meant sharing your chocolate at lunch times, giving each other stickers and a short kiss on the cheek. In junior high, he'd kicked it up a notch, and after they learnt what being gay meant, he and his friend Sebastian had undergone a phase of bringing rainbow flags into school, holding hands and declaring themselves gay and proud. Jesse laughed at how he had run around waving pride flags and kissing his best friend in public, in Ohio. He had enjoyed his relationship with Sebastian, and when they decided that making out during movies just wasn't right anymore, they went right back to watching the movies as before. Sebastian had moved to Paris for a few years, and Jesse had recently heard that he was back. They'd lost touch after a few months. He knew he had a new boyfriend called Wes, but boyfriends were like gum to Sebastian. Use once, enjoy until the flavour has gone, and toss the piece of tasteless goop in the trash, by which time youve already moved onto the next piece. But Jesse wasn't here to judge.

Once he reached high school, he learned that being anything but straight was going to be tough. He knew he had to fit in, even if he had to hide parts of himself to achieve this. So in freshman year, he dated the head cheerleader, and once they broke up he gradually moved through the rest of the team. He put up with their pathetic schemes, their vanity, and their selfishness, for the sake of some meaningless kisses to guarantee his intact reputation.

Jesse St James lost his virginity on his last day of freshman year, with a girl named Sugar Motta. He'd embarked upon a summer romance with the girl, and he came to care deeply for her, despite her utter lack of talent and questionable Aspergers. She'd moved away in the fall and Jesse began Sophomore year with that feeling of losing someone close, and that sense of maturity and invincibility that comes after sex. He found himself regretting freshman year, and wanting to find some purpose and meaning in his life. That year, he joined the glee club, and met John.

Jesse St James had his first real relationship with John, or Johnny as he was mostly called. They were together for two years. The two boys met when Jesse joined Vocal Adrenaline. He had discovered a whole group of students he didn't know existed, and quickly realised this was because they were permanently in the auditorium. Johnny showed Jesse he could be himself and be loved at the same time. Jesse hadn't ever thought about his sexuality. In his freshman year, he thought that Sebastian had to go unmentioned. Sophomore year, he knew he could say Sebastian or Sarah and no-one would have cared. After he had a few drinks with Johnny one night, he told him about Sebastian, the lies of last year, and Sugar. Johnny helped Jesse talk about his sexuality, something he'd forbidden himself from doing. Jesse remembered what he'd said to John that night. 'I don't know what I am. All I know is that I want to kiss you', and he did.

Jesse St James came out as pansexual in the spring of sophomore year. He fell in love with Johnny, and they began sleeping together around the christmas before Jesse came out. They were perfect for each other. Johnny and Jesse enjoyed two wonderful years together, until Johnny cheated on him with Jimmy. Jimmy was a barista at starbucks, and very cute. Jesse and Johnny began an intensive argument, where they locked themselves inside Jesse's house and spent three days and nights screaming at each other and having angry, passionate sex. They decided to end their relationship. Johnny went off to college and Jesse was a mess.

Jesse St James spent his Junior Prom dancing alone, and spent the summer sleeping with everyone in Vocal Adrenaline, and when that didn't work, the rest of the school, hell, the district. Many a straight man was left in complete turmoil after Jesse was through with them. He even managed to somehow work his way through the, admittedly small, lesbian community of Ohio. No matter how many people he had sex with, it didn't fix him. After a HIV scare, for which he thankfully tested negative, Jesse knew he had to stop. It was nearing the end of summer vacation by now, and he didn't want to start his senior year in a mess. So he set up an email correspondence with his teachers, promised to watch videos of Vocal Adrenaline's routines, grabbed his passport and went to see the world.

Jesse St James never got over Johnny. Anywhere he went, he'd see a guy with the same sexy hairstyle, the same skinny yet sturdy frame, the same plaid shirt, and he'd be convinced that it was Johnny. It never was. He couldn't walk into a Starbucks without feeling sick, angry or disgusted. He could never shake the feeling he had gotten when he found out. When he walked into Johnny's room to find his love wrapped around someone else. When he woke up one morning to find a letter explaining why he himself was now single. One evening, sitting on the hood of a car, in a desert in California, he'd realised that he would never be over Johnny. How could you get over someone you'd loved so intensely? How could you get over your whole world? Jesse realised he just had to learn to live with the pain. He found some way to survive, and found that he didn't have to be happy. Better to have loved than never loved at all. The pain was real, and he knew it was worth it just to feel. Johnny would always be in his heart. He just had to learn to live with it. He returned to Ohio as a totally new man. His hair had grown out, he was never without a leather bracelet, and he radiated confidence. He had also developed a hardness, a sadness, around the eyes, and spoke with an almost annoying sense of self assurance and sarcasm. He was the furthest he had ever been from his true self, yet the most comfortable he'd ever felt in his life. He wasnt looking for a relationship. It just happened.

Jesse St James met Rachel Berry on a Tuesday afternoon at the music store in Lima. He was browsing through the classic rock section, when he caught sight of her. He recognised her from her sectionals performance. Jesse was mentally debating whether or not to go talk to her, when she picked up the Lionel Richie book. That decided it. He sauntered over, and gently lowered the book so he could see her eyes. 'Lionel Richie, huh?', he asked. Jesse's heart skipped a beat as he stared into the chocolate brown eyes before him. She was a little starstruck, which pleased him. Before long they were singing a duet, and Jesse realised he had a natural attraction to Rachel. He asked her out on a date. Something casual with no sex was exactly what he needed, and Rachel was perfect. What happened next, no-one could have predicted.

Jesse St James found himself, one afternoon, inexplicably throwing eggs at the girl he loved. As he stared into her eyes, full of pain, as he slowly bought the egg down on her face, he finally felt the regret. Not of lying to her. Not of betraying The New Directions. Not even of the abuse he was putting her through right there and then. Jesse regretted that his fourth major, real relationship was now more screwed than an Amsterdam hooker. He regretted that he allowed Shelby to talk him into this. He regretted that he had spent the best part of a year hiding himself, for the second time in high school. But more than anything he regretted the fact that he was even more lost without Rachel. He rejoined vocal adrenaline, although he wasn't sure why. After he returned from his trip, in the spring, they'd shut him out, only talking to him when they wanted him to do something particularly mean to Rachel. He, in turn, shut them out. His brief stint at McKinley was one of the happiest times of his life. He left for UCLA as soon as he could, but his pain didn't disappear like he'd hoped.

Jesse St James hired his first prostitute after a fortnight at UCLA. It wasn't his last. He'd worked his way through all the major agencies, men and women, by christmas. He seemed to have forgotten what had happened - or nearly happened - the last time he'd slept around like this. Jesse got through eight people in one night sometimes. Every time they left, his pain grew a little bigger. It echoed the way he'd felt when Sebastian left, when Sugar left, when Johnny left, when Rachel left.

Jesse St James finally realised that he was truly alone on his birthday, that same year. Last year, he'd been with Rachel, and she'd thrown him a small party with most of New Directions, followed by a special date. The previous two years he'd been with Johnny, so Vocal Adrenaline had thrown him huge parties and Johnny booked a hotel room for a whole week, where they made love until they couldn't think. The year before, he'd been the most popular boy in school so he of course had a typical house party where everyone got drunk, hooked up with strangers and woke up full of headache and regret. All years prior to that he'd spent his birthday with Sebastian, and before that, the latest au pair his father was sleeping with. But this year? He spent his birthday eating takeout in the dorm, watching horror movies to distract from the loneliness. After he finished The Omen and his third portion of beef and mushroom, he packed his bags, got into his car and drove back to Ohio. He arrived in Carmel after midnight, and Jesse dialed several numbers for the first time in months. First his mother, who was of course on vacation in Italy, and had forgotten his birthday. Then Rachel, who hung up as soon as she realised who was speaking. Finally, Sebastian, and soon he was driving to his old friend's house. The two men drank beer and talked about everything. Jesse felt like everything might just be ok again.

Jesse St James sang for the first time in over a year when he joined his ex girlfriend in belting out rolling in the deep. He felt like he could be happy with Rachel again. He was getting somewhere - they even kissed - but in New York she kissed Finn, and then they started dating again. That's when the ropes holding Jesse's world together fell apart. He basically slept around, forgetting yet again that this never solved anything. Between the one night stands, he constantly texted, emailed, wrote and even sang to Rachel, but to no avail.

Jesse St James auditioned for the role of Melchior Gabor when he heard about a new theatre group in Lima. He'd moved back to Ohio after deciding he needed to be closer to family - but not his real family. Jesse's true family was everything in that town; the men pumping gas, the women serving coffee, the children in the playground, the birds in his garden, and now Sebastian too. It was home. He hated it; god, he loathed the closed minds, the dull prospects, the unexciting food, the uninspiring architecture, the lack of culture, theatre especially. But it was perfect, in a crazy, fucked up kind of way. He found it hideously ironic that he'd spent his life knowing that he wouldn't be one of the guys stuck in hell with a dead end job forever. Hed been dying to escape his whole life, but now that he actually had, he found he didn't want leave. It was Jesse's hell. It was Jesse's home.

Jesse St James realised he had fallen for Quinn Fabray shortly after securing the lead in Spring Awakening. Jesse generally felt emotionally attracted to people, and Quinn made his heart…feel. Just feel. When she sang, when she talked, when she smiled. When she was being 100% nothing but her wonderful self, that was what made him sing, made him talk, made him smile. And he realised that maybe she could help him be 100% nothing but himself.

Jesse St James got into his car and began driving to Quinn's house, ready to declare his feelings and be brutally honest about his past with her. Sebastian had told him to never hide himself again, and anyone who didn't want Jesse after he had shown his true colours was stupid and didn't deserve him. Despite this, he still felt nervous, something he hadn't felt for at least ten years. Because if Quinn turned him down, Jesse wouldn't know where to turn. He was already planning their first date, and subsequent dates, even though he barely knew her. All too soon he had arrived at her house, and found himself remembering a line from some cheesy movie - jump in with both feet. And Jesse intended to do just that, as he walked to the front door and knocked before he could change his mind.

He heard footsteps, and she opened the door. She looked beautiful, wearing nothing but an oversized sweatshirt. She looked a little confused to see Jesse. And Jesse was very confused to see her. 'What are you doing here?', she whispered. He raised his eyebrows, taking in her rumpled hair and a small but obvious hickey on her neck. She hadn't looked like this earlier. 'What am I doing here? I could ask the same of you, Rachel Berry'

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	7. Chapter 7

**_I apologise for the wait...2 chapters will be uploaded today, this is the first, enjoy and REVIEW!_**

**Chapter Seven**

_Recap: He heard footsteps, and she opened the door. She looked beautiful, wearing nothing but an oversized sweatshirt. She looked a little confused to see Jesse. And Jesse was very confused to see her. 'What are you doing here?', she whispered. He raised his eyebrows, taking in her rumpled hair and a small but obvious hickey on her neck. She hadn't looked like this earlier. 'What am I doing here? I could ask the same of you, Rachel Berry'_

A FEW HOURS EARLIER

'I have to go', Jesse said as he rushed out. There was a pause. 'I actually just remembered that I have a dental appointment', Rachel said. She gathered up her things, glancing at Quinn. Quinn had been unable to focus fully on rehearsal after her lunch with Jesse. She had clearly judged him too quickly in the past, and when they sang together…when she felt his voice blend perfectly with hers, she felt a warm bliss that she'd never come close to feeling before. She liked him. But she sensed something between him and Rachel, and she didn't want to interfere.

She knew what it was like - to have someone else chasing around after your boyfriend, constantly having to assert yourself every single day, and lying in bed at night, crying because you weren't good enough. Maybe you'd find yourself cheating, just so you'd feel special, you'd feel that you and you alone were enough, just for an hour or so. You'd go to extremes to keep the relationship intact, maybe you'd even lie. But in the end, everything you did, the terrible things, made him break up with you. Even though you only did them so that he'd stay with you and love you. Quinn knew how this felt because she'd dated Finn.

After Brittany and Santana disappeared, and no-one could find them, Mr Schue ended the rehearsal. Quinn walked out of the building, climbed into her car and drove home. As she opened the front door, calling out to her mother and receiving no response, she realised, smiling, that she had the house to herself. So she plugged her iPod into the speaker system and danced around, singing at the top of her lungs, to the Spring Awakening soundtrack.

Quinn cheered as Don't Do Sadness began to play. She closed her eyes and let John Gallagher Jr's amazing voice consume her mind…Finn had seriously messed up this song. Then Blue Wind started, one of Quinn's favourites. She sang, wishing for a moment that she was playing Ilse. But then she remembered Rachel's incomparable rendition of the song, and her hope slowly drained away.

As she belted out The Song of Purple Summer, there was a knock at the door. Quinn muted the speaker system quickly and rushed to the door, hoping they hadn't heard her singing - the potential embarrassment was too much too contemplate. Opening the door, Quinn raised her eyebrows in surprise. 'Rachel?'

'Hi. Um. Can I come in?', the brunette asked tentatively. She nodded, still surprised, and stood back and allowed Rachel to enter. Quinn watched as Rachel moved through her house, every step carefully orchestrated. She smiled at how dramatic the girl was. 'Why are you here, Rachel?', she asked. Quinn was expecting to be ordered to stay away from Jesse. She was not prepared for what Rachel said.

'Quinn. I've known this for a while now. But I never thought I'd tell you. I never wanted to tell you. Now, though, something has made me realize that you need to know. I am not expecting anything to happen because of this. You don't even have to say anything.' Rachel took a deep breath. 'I'm in love with you, Quinn', she whispered.

Quinn stood in shock. She was vaguely aware of her mouth dropping open, and whatever she held fell to the floor. After a few moments she remembered to breathe. How was she supposed to react? Despite what Rachel had said, she knew she had to say something. Quinn took in Rachel's tanned skin, so much more exotic than her own creamy rose complexion, the soft brown hair waving delicately onto her shoulders. It always smelled like mangoes, Quinn remembered. Finally, the big, mysterious chocolate eyes that constantly gave her shivers when she looked right into them, and the full lips, which looked soft and inviting. Rachel was beautiful - wait what? Why had she just thought that? Quinn fought with herself furiously, unable to tear her eyes away from the girl stood before her.

'I guess I'll just leave', Rachel said quietly. Quinn saw a tear roll down her cheek and suddenly she found herself walking swiftly to block Rachel's path. Eyes locked, green on brown. Quinn knew what she was going to do. What she had to do. Lesbian. Jesse. Wrong. All these words flew around her head, but she pushed them away and focused on here, now. Quinn leaned forward, never breaking eye contact, and pressed her lips to Rachel's.

Both girls were shocked at what was happening, but they didn't complain. Quinn knew she was going to have to rethink her own sexuality after this was over – this felt so, so good – but for now, she concentrated on the girl infront of her. Quinn slowly ran a hand through Rachel's hair, feeling her smaller body shiver, as Rachel wrapped her arms loosely around Quinn's waist and began placing soft kisses all the way up her neck, her cheek, her jaw, finally reaching her lips. They stared into each others eyes for a brief moment before crushing their lips together again.

After they had been kissing for what felt like a very long time, Rachel pulled away and smiled. 'Um…', she said. Quinn laughed quietly. 'Do you want to sit?', she politely offered her guest. Rachel sat down slowly on the couch, bringing her fingers up to her mouth and delicately tracing the outline of her lips, smiling to herself. Quinn was fairly certain she was reminiscing where her lips had just been. 'Well, that was certainly…unexpected', Rachel said quietly. 'I don't know why I just did that', Quinn confessed. 'I don't regret it', she said hurriedly, noticing Rachel's look of hurt. 'I don't regret it at all. That was the best kiss of my life. I just…I don't know what this means', Quinn whispered. Rachel nodded. There was silence for a moment.

'Well maybe if we do it again you'll figure it out', Rachel suggested coyly. Quinn grinned at her. 'Well when you put it like that…', Rachel practically threw herself onto Quinn, causing the girl to fall backwards onto the couch. Rachel straddled her and they kissed again, this time with rough, desperate passion, not being uncertain or careful in the slightest. Quinn caressed Rachel's soft thigh with her hand, then suddenly flipped them over so she could gaze down at the beautiful girl beneath her. Rachel quickly tore off her shirt, and Quinn did the same, a little hesitantly. 'I don't want to have sex with you, oh god that sounded awful, I mean you're beautiful and this is so great and I like you Rachel it's just I'm not ready and I'm gonna stop talking now', she said in a rush.

Rachel laughed and nodded. It's ok. I'm not ready either. This is so new for both of us. I just thought maybe we could do some…stuff?', she smiled sheepishly. 'What sort of stuff?', Quinn asked, feigning ignorance. 'This sort of stuff', Rachel whispered, slowly trailing kisses down Quinn's creamy neck, reaching her chest and stroking her breast gently, eyes asking permission. Quinn nodded breathlessly. Rachel was about to see a part of her that nobody else had ever seen. She'd kept her Cheerio uniform on with Puck that time. As she watched her bra slide off her shoulders, she glanced at Rachel, feeling herself blush as she braced herself for the reaction. Rachel gazed into her eyes and leaned in to whisper, 'you're perfect', she said, kissing her earlobe and then coming around to whisper in the other ear, 'those breasts are just an added bonus', and Quinn felt a smile spread slowly across her face.

Rachel kissed her on the lips again briefly before moving down and taking Quinn's breast into her mouth. Quinn gasped as she felt her tongue flicker over the tip, and found herself reaching and holding the back of Rachel's head, and closed her eyes.

After goodness knows how long, they found themselves kissing again, with Quinn back on top. She found herself no longer freaking out that Rachel was a girl, although there was still something nagging at the back of her mind. She firmly turned her back on it, deciding to think later and feel now. Quinn moved her lips onto Rachel's neck and sucked hard, sinking her teeth into the soft flesh. She tasted like cherries and cinnamon and lavender and something else heavenly that Quinn couldn't quite put her finger on. She heard Rachel gasping and moving under her, and smiled into her neck as she continued leaving her mark.

They lay holding each other, with My Junk playing in the background. 'My junk is you', Quinn sang softly to Rachel. 'Oh, we stop time', the other girl joined in, harmonizing. They smiled and kissed softly. Quinn's arms were wrapped around Rachel, one on her waist and one her shoulders. Rachel lay curled into Quinn, their legs tangled together. They gazed at each other. No words were needed in this moment. Quinn didn't know how long they had just been lying there, looking into each other's eyes, when there was a knock at the door. They sighed together, and laughed. 'I have to go anyway', Rachel said sadly, and grabbed her shirt from earlier. 'Oh dear. It appears I was a little too eager', she said, showing Quinn the remains of her shirt – all the buttons had flown off and there was a huge rip across the chest. They both burst into laughter. 'Here, wear this. It's Sam's, I haven't gotten around to returning it', she said, handing her the sweatshirt. Rachel tugged it on. It was far too big for her of course, but Quinn thought she looked fairly sexy in it. Rachel picked up her bag and told her she'd answer the door on her way out. They kissed one last time and then Rachel left.

Quinn quickly pulled her tee back on – luckily it had no defects – and stood up to go and see who was at the door, a small grin still on her face as she reminisced. She walked to the hallway and froze when she saw Jesse standing there. 'Jesse…Rachel just came here after her dentist appointment to borrow some…floss. But we're out of it', 'so I was just leaving', Rachel finished. Jesse nodded slowly. Quinn felt his gaze bore into her, and she hoped he wouldn't suspect anything. 'How was the dentist, Rach? Did they drill you hard?', he said amusedly. Quinn watched Rachel's cheeks blush deeply, and felt her own burn. 'I have to go', Rachel said, eyes fixed firmly on the ground as she ran to her car. Quinn watched as she drove away, following the small red car into the distance until it had disappeared around the corner.

'So', Jesse said, jerking Quinn back to attention. She returned his warm smile. Oh no. Oh god. She still liked him. She could feel it. 'You and Rachel?', he asked. 'I – I don't know what you mean', she stuttered. He laughed. 'So I guess she gave herself that hickey?', he said and Quinn's mouth fell open, eyes wide in shock. How could she have been so stupid, marking Rachel where everyone could see? She looked back at Jesse, preparing herself for a homophobic comment, but she only found compassion and concern in his eyes. 'You – you're not repulsed?', she asked him. He shook his head. 'Not in the least', he told her. Quinn felt so much relief spreading through her and suddenly found her eyes filling with tears.

'Quinn? Quinn what's wrong?', Jesse asked worriedly. 'I just…I don't know what this means. I don't…I don't know', she sobbed. Quinn felt strong arms wrap around her, and Jesse was holding her tightly. She cried into his chest, clutching him desperately. 'It's ok. It's ok', he whispered. She shook her head. 'You wouldn't understand. How I'm feeling right now…I don't even know how to describe it. Who am I? What am I? What's wrong with me? Why am I feeling like this? Why did she make me feel like this and why do you make me feel like this? I don't know anything anymore. Jesse, you don't know, you don't understand', she cried. He gently pulled back to speak to her. 'I understand more than you know', he told her. 'What? What do you mean?', she asked. He gently wiped a tear away with his thumb. 'Let's go inside. We have some talking to do'

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	8. Chapter 8

**This is the second chapter uploaded today - make sure you already read chapter seven! REVIEW!**

**Chapter Eight**

Quinn watched as Jesse sat down next to her. She wasn't sure what to expect here. He smiled comfortingly, and she felt her heart flutter slightly. Crap. She couldn't even try to deny her attraction to him. They were both silent for a few moments, Quinn still crying a little. 'First of all', Jesse broke the silence, 'there's nothing wrong with you', he said firmly. 'Thank you', Quinn said in a tiny voice. 'What did you mean, before', she asked, wiping her eyes, 'when you said you understood?' Jesse took a deep breath. 'Well', he began slowly, 'if I had a problem with two girl, two people of the same gender, kissing and dating and having sex…I'd be a pretty big hypocrite', he said. Quinn's eyes widened. 'You mean you're – but you dated Rachel', she said, confused. There was also a sinking feeling in her heart that she'd fallen for a gay man, but she didn't want to say anything. Jesse laughed slightly. 'No. I'm not gay. I'm – I'm into people', he confessed. Quinn remembered Kurt explaining this to her before and tried to remember the correct terminology. 'You're pansexual?', she asked hesitantly, hoping she'd gotten it right. He nodded. 'Yes, I am. I just didn't want to throw you off with a word you'd never heard before – I've tried it in the past and people just get confused or they make a joke out of it and then it's awkward and I have to explain', he shrugged. Quinn reached out and placed her hand on top of his for support. 'I would never, ever make a joke like that. I wouldn't ever want to hurt you', she told him fervently. 'Why?', he whispered. The two stared into each other's eyes for a few silent moments. 'Because…because I feel like I'm falling for you, Jesse', she said softly.

There was silence for a second. Jesse had an expression in his eyes that Quinn just couldn't figure out, but then she found herself crying again. 'Hey, hey, what's wrong?', she heard him ask. 'I just…when I kissed Rachel I felt something, but can't be gay because I think I feel something for you too…and I've never kissed a girl before but when I did it was so much better than kissing Puck or Sam or Finn, it felt real, it felt right, so maybe I am gay. But whenever I look into your eyes…there's something', she sobbed loudly. 'I know exactly how you feel, I do. When I first kissed Johny I was a total mess inside until we'd talked it through', he remembered. 'Who's Johnny?', Quinn asked curiously. She felt Jesse tensing a little. 'Johnny was – is – the love of my life. He's the only person I've ever had a long-term relationship with. He's the only person I've had sex with and actually made love', he said sadly. 'He…he cheated on me. And I was so upset. I ran away, as far as possible but I never got over him. Still haven't, not truly', he said. Quinn remembered when Finn had cheated on her, with Rachel. She hadn't really been that upset, she was more angry that she wasn't strong enough to hold on. She hadn't felt this hurt that Jesse was describing.

'So how many people have you been with?', she asked. Jesse looked very nervous before replying. 'Um, well there was Sebastian in junior high. That didn't mess me up so much because we were young, and we weren't obsessed with labels. The world was still kind. Then in freshman year I dated a few cheerleaders but there were no feelings there. It was for status. We all used each other. I lost my virginity to this girl called Sugar, who I actually liked a lot, but she moved away. Then there was Johnny, in sophomore year. We had two good years and then it all went to hell. Senior year, I met Rachel and you know how that worked out. Last year, I went to UCLA but nothing really happened and I dropped out after a few months. Came back here, got back in touch with Sebastian – as friends – and then I met you', he finished. Quinn gasped a little, searching for something to say. Was Jesse saying what she thought he was saying? 'I like you, Quinn Fabray', he confessed. Quinn barely had time to think before his lips were on hers.

She gave in to the kiss, feeling it deepen. She ran her hands through his curls and breathed in the sweet intoxication of his body. He smelled amazing. Jesse's hand was gently grazing her thigh, but for once she didn't feel the urge to push it away like she did with guys. Somehow she knew he wasn't just being horny, he wasn't just fulfilling an urge like the others. As their tongues danced, Quinn knew that this was deeper than anything she had ever experienced, even more so than her kiss with Rachel just now. Rachel. Oh god. 'I shouldn't be doing this. Not that this isn't good – this is incredible, truly – I just can't, not until I've figured out a few things, and I've talked to Rachel', she apologised. Jesse nodded. 'I totally understand. Do you need me to be here or – ', Jesse was rudely interrupted by his phone ringing. Quinn waited as he pulled it from his pocket and looked at the caller ID. 'Hey Will', he answered it. 'What? Really? Well. I can't say I'm disappointed', he said. 'What are we going to do?', he asked, and there was silence as he listened for the reply. 'Well if you're sure he's good enough…although he can't be worse than what happened today', he said. 'Ok. Oh, before I forget – my friend Sebastian was wondering if he could come watch rehearsal tomorrow? He's a huge guilty one', he explained. 'Great, he'll be pleased. Goodnight Will', Jesse hung up.

'What was that about?', Quinn asked. 'Well, Finn has dropped out of Spring Awakening. Will – I mean, Mr Schue – thinks Blaine ought to play Moritz. He's going to call him later. I'm a little hesitant; I've never seen him perform', Jesse explained. 'Oh, Blaine is amazing, he's the lead singer of The Warblers and they tied with us at Sectionals', Quinn explained. 'He's a warbler? Then there's no problem, those guys are great', he relaxed. 'I wonder why Finn dropped out? He wouldn't want to upset Rachel', she mused. Jesse shrugged. 'I'm not complaining. That idiot was single-handedly ruining the show', he said, and they both laughed. They were quiet for a moment. 'Jesse…I think there's something here, between us. Something I think I want to have in my life. But it simply isn't fair to Rachel to kiss you – no matter how much I want to. And I really need to figure out who I am', she said slowly. 'I understand', Jesse said, and pulled her into a hug. They held each other for a moment, breathing each other in. The doorbell rang. 'Back in a minute', Quinn said, walking down the stairs. She opened the door and was greeted by the smiling face of Rachel Berry. 'I broke up with Finn!'

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	9. Chapter 9

_**Ok so I know it's been a while...after I uploaded the last two chapters there were no reviews so that didn't really inspire me...then two lovely people reached out wanting more so here it is!**_

'I broke up with Finn!', she said excitedly and threw her arms around Quinn. Quinn gasped in shock. She hadn't expected this at all – although now she knew why Finn had quit Spring Awakening. 'You broke up with him? For me?', she asked incredulously. 'I did it because I love you', Rachel said, still smiling. She leaned in to kiss her, but Quinn pulled away. 'Rachel. We, um, need to talk', Quinn said. 'What? Why?', Rachel asked. Quinn sighed. 'Look. Rachel, you are an amazing girl. I won't deny that I enjoyed it when you kissed me…but I think my heart belongs to someone else. And honestly I'm just really confused', she said quietly, knowing how painful it would be for Rachel to hear. She looked up, seeing the brunette had tears in her eyes. 'It's ok. I knew it had to be too good to be true', Rachel said shakily. 'Can we just…I don't want to say forget about it, but', Quinn began, but Rachel interrupted, 'Yes. Please let's just forget the whole thing', she agreed quickly. 'Alright, if that's what you want', Quinn agreed. 'Um…do you want some coffee?', she offered. Rachel nodded.

They walked into the lounge. Quinn, in the midst of all the confusion, had forgotten that Jesse was still there. 'Hey Rach', Jesse said, looking confused as the two girls entered. 'Jesse, I think maybe you should go', Quinn said. Jesse stood up to leave. 'No, he can stay for coffee. It'll be fun', Rachel said, her voice higher than usual. Quinn knew she was trying to stop herself from crying, but didn't say anything. She walked into the kitchen, made the coffee and returned to find the other two laughing. 'Rachel was just telling me about when all the guys got into trouble for picturing your football coach to cool off', Jesse explained. 'Oh come on, that was kinda cruel', Quinn said, but she couldn't stop the corners of her mouth twitching. 'Yes, but when you marched up to Beiste in the corridor and screamed at her…hilarious!', Rachel said. They all laughed. 'Oh my God, that was so embarrassing! I can't believe I said that', Quinn exclaimed. 'Are you kidding? It was powerful and bold, and beautiful and perfect', Rachel whispered. She thought no-one could hear her, but the other two caught it all.

There was an awkward silence as Rachel glanced up, seeing Quinn and Jesse's faces, both shocked and awkward. Then her face fell apart and she ran out of the room, crying. 'I'll go', Jesse said. He ran out of the room. Quinn groaned in annoyance. She had been so stupid to think that it could all be ok, and that Rachel wasn't hurting at all – and now Jesse probably hated her for upsetting Rachel. Quinn sat down, curling her legs up under her chin and trying not to cry. She could hear muffled crying in the hall and after a few minutes she heard the front door slam. Quinn let out a loud sob and fell onto the floor, crying. They had both left her. God, why had she made such a mess of everything? She shouldn't have said anything to Rachel, she shouldn't have let Rachel kiss her, she shouldn't have said anything to Jesse…oh Jesse. She cried louder, sobbing his name over and over.

She felt someone wrap their arms around her and she opened her eyes seeing Jesse. She gasped, shocked. 'You're here…I thought you left', she whispered. Jesse shook his head. 'No. I wouldn't do that', he told her, holding her tightly and rocking her, planting kisses in her hair and soothing her. 'I don't deserve you. Not after the way I handled things with Rachel', Quinn said. 'We all make mistakes. God knows I've made a few', Jesse said. 'What do you mean?', Quinn asked. 'Oh, you're talking about the egging, right', she realised. Jesse didn't say anything. She glanced up, seeing him look uncomfortable. 'Jesse?', she asked. 'I can't tell you. You'll – you'll hate me', he murmured. 'Well that's impossible so why don't you just tell me? It can't be worse than the mistakes I've made in my life', Quinn said. 'Oh god…it's so, so much worse than you could imagine', Jesse said, looking like he could cry. 'Jesse what is it? Look I promise I won't judge, but I'm getting worried now. It's not drugs, is it?', she asked. Quinn was seriously worried. He shook his head. 'No, no it's not drugs', he assured her. 'I mean, I've tried them once or twice, been there, done that. I didn't like it so don't worry', he told her. Quinn nodded. 'Sure. Everyone tries it, I suppose. So what is your big secret?', she asked. Jesse closed his eyes, sighing. She gently took his head in her hands. 'Hey. Jesse, you can tell me', she said. He slowly nodded. 'Alright. And, after I've told you, I'll totally understand if you never want to see me again', he said quietly. Quinn frowned. What could be so bad that she might never want to see Jesse again?

'I told you about Johnny, my first real relationship?', he asked her. Quinn nodded. 'Well, we were together two years, sophomore and junior. I – I fell in love with him. And he loved me too. Just not enough, it seemed, because he cheated on me with Jimmy, who worked in Starbucks', he explained. 'I know who you mean. He tried to give me drugs once', Quinn told him. Jesse nodded. 'Yes, I believe in addition to making lattes he sold D, C, X, smack, horse, joogie boogie boy, blow – ' Quinn cut him off; 'yes I get the picture', she said, smiling at the RENT reference. 'Sorry. Jimmy gave Johnny drugs a few times and I hated him already. Then I found out he stole my boyfriend and the hate went to a whole new level. Anyway, after he cheated, Johnny tried to apologise and I tried, I really did try to forgive him but I just couldn't. We broke up and avoided each other for the last few weeks of school, then Johnny went off to college and I was a total mess. I…I…', Jesse trailed off. 'It's ok. You can tell me', Quinn comforted him.

'I slept with everyone in Vocal Adrenaline to try and get over him. Then the rest of the school. Then basically the whole of Akron. But it didn't work, I couldn't get over him. He – he left some kind of scar on my heart that I couldn't get rid of. It's still there. It's small and it doesn't hurt that much anymore. But it's there. Johnny will always be a part of me. I just have to accept that and move on. But…but I practically became a slut in the process', he said, now crying. Quinn lay his head on her shoulder and allowed him to cry. She tried to process what he had said. 'So…so you had a lot of sex', she said slowly. 'I wouldn't call it sex. For me, sex is something special, something intimate, something you enjoy. None of those hook-ups were special or intimate or enjoyable. They were dirty, crude. I felt sick the whole time but I kind of became addicted to it, because when someone's holding you, screaming your name…you feel needed, you feel like you have a purpose, just for a few minutes. But it hurt twice as bad when they left. And sometimes it was hard because I bedded straight guys, and the occasional lesbian, who would have a sexual identity crisis afterwards and I'd feel bad. Then towards the end of summer, a guy who I'd hooked up with a month or so ago found me – I think he was called Roger – and told me he was HIV positive', Jesse said quietly. 'Oh my god', Quinn whispered, planting a kiss in Jesse's hair. 'Jesse I'm so sorry, I had no idea. I – I don't know what to say', she said, starting to cry. She couldn't lose him.

Jesse hurriedly spoke. 'No, I don't have it, I'm fine. It was just scary at the time, the possibility', he said quickly. 'Still. It made me appreciate things a little more. And it knocked some sense into me. I knew I couldn't go on in that way, sleeping around. So I sorted my life out. Well, for the time being. After everything went down with Rachel and I went off to college, the same feelings from my breakup with Johnny surged back and I couldn't help myself, only this time it got worse. I…Quinn I hired a different prostitute every night', he said all in a rush. He obviously knew this would be breaking point. Quinn was lost for words. It was one thing sleeping around and being highly promiscuous, she could cope with that. But prostitution? 'Jesse…what you did. It goes against all my values', she began and Jesse nodded. 'I'll see you around', he murmured, getting up to leave.

'Wait. Please. Wait', she said. He turned around. Quinn stood up to face him. 'I…I don't like what you did. I don't condone it, at all. But…oh dammit, I'm falling for you too hard to care', she confessed. 'You can't do it again. I know it hurts when people cheat on you, and it hurts for the cheater too', she told him. 'I promise you that Johnny didn't just laugh about the incident and forget about you. He probably still regrets it now. I should know', she told Jesse. He looked at her questioningly. Quinn took a deep breath. He had bared all to her, and it was only right she should do the same. 'How much did Rachel tell you about my…situation, when you guys were dating?', she asked. 'Just that you were pregnant with Puck's baby', he said. 'Well, that's true. But right before you arrived on the scene, I had been dating Finn. And I – I cheated on him. I slept with Puck. And I had to carry around a reminder of that enormous mistake every single day for nine months. And I lied, for months, telling Finn it was his baby. And last year, when I was with Sam, I kissed Finn. I cheated on Sam. I felt awful about it, especially as it was the second time I'd been unfaithful. But not a day goes by when I don't think about it. Not a day goes by when I don't regret it. So I promise you that Johnny regrets it too', she told him fervently.

Jesse nodded. There was silence for a moment. 'Quinn. I…I want to be with you. I do. But I'm worried, I'm scared that you'll cheat on me too', he said quietly. 'And I just don't think I can handle going through all that again', he finished. Quinn nodded. 'I know nothing excuses cheating, but do you want to know why I cheated on Finn and Sam?', she asked. He nodded. 'I cheated on Finn because the whole time we were going out, I felt like I wasn't enough for him. He constantly lusted after Rachel…he even kissed her a couple of times. So I knew I wasn't good enough. And then one night, I was with Puck and he made me feel like I was important and like I mattered to him. That's why I cheated on Finn. It doesn't make it ok, I know. I hated myself for doing it. And then last year, Sam was perfect, he was everything I wanted, everything I needed. But there was something just not right between us, something missing. And even though the quality of our relationship was really, truly good…there was something not there. And I found it in Finn. I couldn't resist – I was so weak. I cheated, for the second time', she said, crying a little. 'I know that I would never cheat on you, Jesse, because I know that you would never make me feel like I wasn't enough for you, I know you wouldn't kiss someone else behind my back. And I don't think that there would be anything missing from our relationship. I swear, I will never, ever be unfaithful to you, Jesse', she finished.

Jesse and Quinn stared at each other for a long moment, then Jesse leaned forwards and kissed her deeply. Quinn returned the kiss, curving her body into Jesse, allowing him to hold her tightly. He gently helped her lay back on the couch, never breaking the kiss, and she felt his body on hers. The kiss became faster and harder, and then Quinn knew she had to stop. 'I can't have sex with you', she blurted out. 'I mean – oh my god, no that sounded awful – I mean, not yet', Quinn said. Jesse nodded. 'It's fine, I completely understand. I think we should take this slow', he agreed. She smiled and kissed him again. Quinn felt like everything might be ok.

_**so unless you want to wait another month then you'd better REVIEW! Also, Johnny is coming back to the story to seriously shake things up...and those of you who got the Johnny/Jimmy reference, I salute you ;D **_

_**um yeah so...REVIEW! and check out my other stories :)**_


	10. Chapter 10

**_Here's the chapter, a little late I know, but I was planning out the rest of the story. There is some seriously EPIC stuff coming up. REVIEW OR THERE SHALL BE NO MORE!_**

Rachel slammed her car door and ran towards her house, opened the door and collapsed into a little heap in the hall. She cried all the tears she'd been holding back for the past hour. It wasn't fair. Just once, couldn't things go her way?

Why did Quinn have to kiss her…she'd even told her that she wasn't expecting anything, but still, Quinn had kissed her, and god…it felt better than anything she'd ever done with all of those stupid boys combined.

Rachel had thought she was in love with Finn, and later Jesse. Then Finn again. Then Jesse again. Not to mention the brief affairs with Puck and Blaine and Sam. Rachel let out a particularly loud sob when she realised that she'd been chasing after boys for years, even though they could never give her what she wanted.

She'd been doubting herself for a few years now, then last year, she'd found herself feeling something for Quinn that scared her to death. And she didn't want to confront it, so she ignored it until she just couldn't anymore. Yesterday, she'd come clean about her feelings to Quinn. But then Quinn had taken her feelings, screwed her feelings around, and thrown her feelings back in her face.

Rachel knew what she was, and there was no point hiding it any more. 'I'm gay', she told the empty house in a choked whisper. It was the first time she'd ever said it out loud. She'd spent too long thinking she was straight and perhaps Quinn was her exception to the rule, or maybe she was bisexual because that wasn't so bad. No. She was gay. And that scared her to death.

She couldn't be gay. She wasn't a homophobe, at all. She knew her parents would be fine with it – obviously – they'd throw her a coming out party with freaking rainbow cake, she knew that. And her friends would be cool too – half of them were lgbt anyway. But it was everyone else that scared her. It was the ignorant bigots that populated the rest of Lima, and of Ohio, hell, most of the Midwest. It was the homophobia written into the law of the country she lived in. It was – it was the way that everyone would just assume things without knowing her, the way that they would treat her.

Rachel had been crying for a while now, and she didn't know what time it was, but she heard a car pulling up outside. She knew it wasn't her dads – they were on a business trip – so who could it be? Sure enough, the doorbell rang, and she got up, wiping her eyes, to answer it, wondering if Kurt had scheduled a movie night she'd forgotten about. However, as she pulled the door open, she came face to face with Jesse.

She was about to ask him why he was here, but he took one look at her red, tearstained face and he pulled her into a firm hug. She clutched back, desperately, and began to cry again, great heaving sobs all over Jesse's shirt. His smell was warm, comforting, and familiar to Rachel.

'I've soaked your shirt', Rachel said tearfully, moving away from him slightly. 'It's fine', Jesse said. There was silence for a moment, both of them looking into each other's eyes. Rachel took a deep breath. 'I'm gay', she said, very quietly, staring at the floor. Jesse gently tilted her chin up and she fearfully met his eyes. They were kind and gentle. 'I know. It's ok', he told her. Rachel had a thousand things to say but she couldn't quite remember how to speak, and she found herself falling back onto Jesse, crying again. He lifted her up, and carried her to the sofa, Rachel on Jesse's lap.

'You're – you're not mad at me? I mean, we dated. I'm pretty sure Finn's going to be pissed', she said. Jesse smiled. 'Wow, Rachel Berry using profanity, things must be serious', he said, grinning, then realising what he'd said. 'I'm sorry, of course this is serious – I mean, it's not serious, it's not a bad thing, I mean – I was just trying to make you feel better', he said quickly. Rachel smiled. 'It's fine. I just…why are you here?', she asked him. 'Well, I already guessed what had happened, pretty much, and Quinn filled me in with the rest. I know you well enough to see that you were hurting and trying to hide it. I thought I'd stop by, see if you were ok', he explained.

'Even after everything that's happened with us? I am sorry, by the way, about everything with Finn. It wasn't fair of me to just ignore you', she apologised. 'I understand, Hudson's an idiot. And no, I'm not mad. What I did to you was much worse. Look, at the end of the day, I still care about you. And I don't want to see you upset. I think we'd make great friends', Jesse said, smiling at how corny he sounded. Rachel smiled. 'Thank you. I'd like that. I'm – I'm just in a really bad place right now', she said. He pulled her in closer, kissing the top of her head.

'I don't care that you're gay. And once you leave the Midwest, neither will anyone else you meet. Because in the real world, people know that it's not who you fuck that defines you. Sorry', he apologised for the language as Rachel laughed. 'I like that line', she said. 'So. How is your love life?', she asked him casually.

There was a little pause. She turned to see Jesse looking a little uncomfortable. 'Oh sorry, you're single. Well that makes two of us', she said, mentally kicking herself for upsetting him. 'I'm not single, no. Well, not exactly', he said. 'Oh. Huh. Are you gay too?', she asked him, trying to think of why else he'd be uncomfortable. Jesse laughed. 'No…I'm pansexual, but that's beside the point', he told her. 'Ooh I've never met anyone who's pansexual before! My dads have a polysexual friend, but you, Jesse St James, get the honour of being my first pansexual acquaintance', she said excitedly. Jesse grinned at her fondly. 'I forgot how excited you get about everything. And you, Rachel Berry, get the honour of being the fourth person I've ever met who hasn't reacted negatively upon finding out', he told her. 'And…in answer to your question, I am involved with someone', he spoke slowly. 'You know her, actually. It's Quinn'

Rachel slid off Jesse's lap in shock, landing with a bump on the floor. She'd hit her ass on the way down but she didn't really notice. 'Oh. Ok. That's fine', she told him, and she found that she actually was ok with it. He joined her on the floor. 'Are you sure you're ok?', he asked her. Rachel nodded. 'I actually am. I knew she wouldn't want me, I knew she would be with someone else, and that someone happens to be you. And that's fine. Obviously I'm not going to dance and sing about it, but…yeah. I'm fine. Just be careful, Jess', she warned him. 'Why? What do you mean? If this is about the fact she's cheated on people, we talked about that', he reassured her. 'No, no it's not that – it's just, you two are playing lovers in the show. That's going to be really awkward if you're dating, it's going to blur the lines in terms of what you do at work and what you do in private. You know what they say, the more chemistry onstage, the less there is off', Rachel confessed. Jesse looked concerned for a moment. 'You're right. I'll have to talk about it to her…I don't even know what we are, she's a bit confused', he told Rachel.

'Just give her some time. You'll work it out', Rachel said as she lay a comforting hand on his arm. Jesse gave her a small smile. 'Thanks. You know, I think we're going to work well as friends', he said, pulling her into a one armed hug. She moved into his side. 'I think you might be right', she agreed.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, then Jesse broke it. 'Which Barbra movie do you want to watch?', he asked. Rachel looked at him in surprise, to see Jesse grinning at her. He knew her so well. 'God, I missed having you around', she said, jumping up and heading over to her stack of DVDs. 'Well I have every single one, as you know', she said, her eyes automatically moving to Funny Girl, her favourite. 'What shall we watch?', she asked him, feeling it to be only fair that Jesse should choose. 'Rach?', he said. She spun around to look at him. 'Let's get our Fanny Brice on', he said, grinning. Rachel burst out laughing and put her favourite movie into the DVD player. She jumped back onto the sofa, as they waited for it to load. As the overture played, Rachel smiled to herself. Everything was going to be alright.

_**REVIEW!**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**So I've not updated for a while, the next 2 weeks are full of exams...but after that I will update way more. PLEASE REVIEW!**_

**Chapter Eleven**

Rachel was awoken by the doorbell ringing, loud and insistent. She groaned, sitting up. It was too early. 'One second', she called out sleepily, getting up and running to the door. Opening it, she came face to face with Finn. He was looking at her angrily. Great. The 'why did you break up with me' confrontation. She knew this was bound to happen sooner or later. Rachel sighed and went straight to the point. 'Finn, I'm sorry we broke up but I don't want to get back together,' she told him, annoyed. 'And why are you here so early?' she asked.

'I wanted to catch you before you left for rehearsal. Rachel, you never told me why we broke up. I thought things were going well,' he told her, stepping inside the house. 'What's going on?' said a voice behind them. Rachel turned around to see Jesse walking out of the kitchen, realising he must have fallen asleep last night after the movie was over.

Finn grew angry. 'Oh I see, you broke up with me to get back with him,' he said. Jesse rolled his eyes. 'No, Finn, that's not why we broke up,' Rachel said, sensing that things could get ugly between the two guys. 'Like you expect me to believe that. The second you break up with me you're having a sleepover with Jesse St Dickhead,' Finn shouted angrily. Jesse stepped in front of Rachel.

'Hudson, if you don't leave right now, I will call the police. You're on Miss Berry's property and you're intimidating her,' he told Finn, calm but firm. 'No, I'm not leaving till she gives me an answer about this!' Finn shouted. 'Finn, I'm gay,' Rachel said, all in a rush before she could change her mind.

Finn was staring at her, shocked at first, then disgusted, and finally coming to rest between confused and hurt. 'I turned you gay?' he said. 'Get out,' Jesse ordered him angrily. 'But I don't understand…you used to be straight but now you're gay? I must have done something wrong,' Finn said. 'Hudson, you don't just turn someone gay. Rachel has always been gay, she only realised recently. And she finally grew brave enough to say it out loud, and this is how you repay her? Throwing stupid comments at her which should have been left behind in the 90s? You ignorant, selfish, piece of shit, always thinking about yourself, never considering how hard this is for Rachel. You think you've been hurt? That's pathetic. Rachel is hurting a thousand times more than you,' Jesse said, spitting the words at Finn.

Finn backed away slightly. 'Whatever. I still think this is a phase. When you've sorted yourself out, call me,' he said. That was breaking point for Jesse. 'FUCK OFF,' he yelled at Finn, who stumbled out of the house. Rachel closed the door. She was quiet for a moment. 'I don't particularly like the way you handled that…but thanks. The ass deserved it', she thanked Jesse. He grinned. 'Just looking out for my smallest friend', he said. Rachel rolled her eyes. 'It's not my fault that you're, like, gigantic', she laughed. He put his arms around her and she leaned into the familiar comfort of Jesse's hug. 'Are you ok?' he asked her gently. She nodded. 'I'll be fine. I suppose I should probably get used to it. People aren't going to be as cool with this as you are,' she said quietly. 'It shouldn't be like that. It shouldn't be something that you have to get used to,' he told her. They both knew he was right. But they both knew nothing would change.

'Come on Jess. Rehearsal,' she reminded him. 'Ok. Be ready in ten minutes? I have to pick up my friend Sebastian, he's coming to watch rehearsal. Big guilty one,' he explained. Rachel nodded. 'Cool. Ten minutes,' she agreed, dashing upstairs.

A half hour later, they were heading towards the Lima Community Theatre, with Sebastian in the back. They were all discussing Spring Awakening. 'No way, Hanschen is not gay. Ernst is gay, sure, but Hanschen is experimenting,' Sebastian insisted. 'Oh my god, no! Hanschen is GAY, why would he do something that was punishable by death just for fun?' Rachel argued. 'Well Rach, he has a point. How do you explain his masturbating to Desdemona?' Jesse countered. Sebastian laughed, 'One last kiss, those soft thighs, those girlish breasts, oooh those cruel, cruel knees!' he said loudly, impersonating Hanschen. They all laughed.

'Ok, ok, let's agree to disagree on that one,' Jesse said, trying to concentrate on the road through his laughter. 'Alright, fine,' Rachel said grumpily, hating to lose anything. Then her face lit up. 'Ok – I have a question. Ilse and Moritz. Attracted to each other, or nothing more than old friends?' she proposed. Sebastian immediately spoke. 'Oh come on, that's easy! They totally want it. Ilse basically asks him to go home with her and when she's gone, Moritz regrets it, he calls after her,' he said with a tone of finality. Rachel raised her eyebrows. 'Well you obviously haven't done your homework, Mr Smythe. The whole song, nay, the whole scene, they face out towards the audience. They don't even look at each other. Steven Sater even said that the whole point of the scene was that they don't connect! Ilse's a slut, she'll have sex with anything, and Moritz refuses at first because he's so scared and frustrated – he's only regretful after she leaves because when Ilse walks away, that's his last chance at companionship, at any kind of peace and happiness walking away. It's not Ilse he wants, it's not even the sex, really – it's the sense of belonging. It's the sense of purpose, because if someone, anyone at all, wants him around, then he has a point to his life. He has reason not to die. But she goes, leaving death as his only option.' There was silence for a moment. 'That was really deep, Rach,' Jesse said approvingly. 'Ok. You win that one,' Sebastian relented. Rachel grinned, feeling pleased that she was right.

'Right. The lack of music is getting to me,' Jesse said, plugging his iPod into the car's speaker system. The menacing, satisfying guitar riff of Totally Fucked blared out. 'Nice choice, man,' Sebastian complemented. Rachel laughed. This song was always appropriate. The three of them sang at the top of their lungs all the way to Lima, not caring when people stared at them in horror – they just screamed profanities all the more.

They arrived at rehearsal, still in hysterics. 'Morning, guys,' Mr Schue greeted. 'Will, this is my good friend, Sebastian. He's here to watch rehearsal,' Jesse explained. Will nodded his consent and began the rehearsal. Rachel spotted Quinn, sitting with Tina. Quinn gave her a small, sad smile. Rachel smiled back brightly and waved, before turning away to find a seat with Sebastian, whilst Jesse went to sit with Will. When she had her back to Quinn, Rachel's smile disappeared. Quinn was her audience, and it was Rachel's job, as a performer, to put on the best show possible, and in this show, Rachel was not heartbroken; in fact, she was perfectly happy.

'Ok…is everyone here?' he asked, glancing at the group of teenagers before him. 'Klaine are late,' Brittany said. 'Klaine?' Sebastian whispered. Rachel answered him, 'Kurt and Blaine. Brittany put their names together and she calls them Klaine,' she said. 'So they're like, boyfriends?' he murmured back. Rachel nodded. 'Do you have a problem with that?' she challenged him, ready to hit him with the full force of her anti-homophobia wrath. Sebastian immediately shook his head, chuckling. 'No, no – I'm gay,' he explained. Rachel nodded. Then, after a second, 'me too,' she said, looking him right in the eyes. He could obviously tell it wasn't easy for her to admit, so Sebastian gave her a friendly half smile and patted her arm comfortingly. Rachel felt happy relief at this small slice of acceptance. It gave her some hope.

Right then, Kurt and Blaine hurried in, stammering apologies at their lateness. Kurt sat next to Rachel and Sebastian, wincing a little as he sat down. The two noticed this, along with the way Kurt's usually perfect hair was rumpled at the back, and Sebastian raised his eyebrows, and Rachel grinned. 'Morning sex, was it?' she whispered to Kurt, who blushed vermillion and gave her a scandalised look. Then he relaxed, and his face fell into a sheepish grin. 'Yes,' he murmured. She smiled at her friend. Rachel wanted to tell Kurt – she knew he wouldn't react badly, obviously – but it wasn't the kind of thing she could just say at random.

Instead, she decided to introduce Sebastian to Kurt, but noticed Sebastian had vanished from where he had been sitting next to her moments before. Glancing around, she finally saw him with Blaine. Sebastian was saying something to him, leaning close. Blaine was obviously unsure how to handle this, smiling, embarrassed, ducking his head. Rachel's eyes narrowed at Sebastian, hoping he wasn't trying to break up Kurt and Blaine. She wondered if Kurt had noticed, but when she turned to him, she saw that he was deep in conversation with Sam. Rachel glanced at Jesse, nodding at Sebastian's blatant flirting with Blaine, but before she could capture his attention, she heard someone else walk into the room. Will frowned. 'Finn?' he asked quizzically. Rachel's heart flew into her mouth and she looked behind her to see that Finn was, indeed, standing in the door way, staring right at her.

'Finn, you quit the show,' Will said. Finn nodded. 'I know. I'm not here to rehearse. I just…dammit, why, Rachel? Why are you pulling this lesbian crap?' he asked her. Rachel's eyes widened. She was not ready for the entire club to know just yet. 'Hudson, leave. Right now. Or your face is going to become acquainted with my fist,' he warned. 'And mine,' Santana said, getting up to stand next to Jesse, her arms folded challengingly. Finn's eyes narrowed. 'It was you!' he yelled at Santana. 'You turned my perfectly normal girlfriend into a great big lesbian, you bitch!'

Santana's eyes flared with anger, and she began cursing in Spanish at him. Jesse, who understood Spanish, hurriedly grabbed her as she made a particularly dark-sounding threat, holding her back. He whispered to her in Spanish, calming her down. Santana stopped screaming, but still fixed Finn with her death glare. 'Wait…you're a lesbian?' Kurt asked her. Rachel didn't say anything; she couldn't say anything. She looked at Kurt, his eyes surprised – but friendly, kind. There was no hate there. She glanced at Jesse, who nodded gently. Sebastian smiled encouragingly. So she managed to nod. Kurt got up and crossed the room to where she sat and enveloped her in a tight hug. 'It's fine. I still love you,' he told her, kissing her cheek. She smiled at him thankfully. Kurt turned to face the rest of the room. 'We're all ok with this. Right?' he asked, but it wasn't a question, it was an order. Everyone nodded, and Rachel felt a huge wave of relief. She smiled. 'Thank you,' she said softly. Finn swore loudly and left, slamming the door. 'Forget about that dick,' Santana told her. 'He's not worth it. Trust me, I know,' she said suggestively and everyone laughed.

When it was time to break for lunch, Rachel, along with Jesse, Santana, Sebastian, Brittany, Kurt and Blaine went to get food. Jesse declared that they were all to go to Breadstix, and he would pay, no questions asked. Rachel slid into a booth with Jesse and Kurt either side of her, feeling happier than she'd been in a long time. They were all eating pasta and laughing together, making a lot of noise which caused a few angry glares from other patrons. But none of them really cared.

Kurt had to go call his dad, and left the table. The moment he left, Sebastian scooted closer to Blaine, not saying anything, but Blaine stiffened. Rachel made a mental note to talk to Sebastian later and tell him to leave Blaine alone. When Kurt returned, he looked at Sebastian, irritated, but didn't say anything, choosing to sit next to Brittany. 'Dessert, anyone?' Jesse asked the table. 'Oh my god, they do the best vegan cheesecake here,' Rachel said. 'And they also do the best normal cheesecake for those of us who aren't weird,' joked Santana, and everyone laughed. They all ordered cheesecakes, and chatted as they waited. 'Where is the dessert?' Kurt said impatiently, snapping his fingers at the waitress. Blaine stood up. 'DAMMIT KURT! We've talked about this! Don't snap your fingers, it's annoying, it's rude, and IT'S NOT GOING TO MAKE IT COME ANY FASTER!' he shouted at his boyfriend before storming out. Sebastian followed him out. Everyone looked at Kurt. 'You've snapped your fingers at Blaine during sex before, haven't you?' said Jesse. Santana laughed loudly, giving Jesse a fist bump. 'Nice one, St James,' she complimented.

Kurt looked upset. 'What's wrong, Kurt?' Rachel asked him. 'We've…we've had a few arguments lately, but things have been going really well this past week,' he began. 'I could tell. Your sex hair is insane,' Santana commented, sending her and Jesse into fits of laugher again. Kurt frowned at her. 'And now he's probably going to cheat on me with that stupid little meerkat boy,' he said sadly. 'Don't be stupid, Blaine loves you,' Rachel said, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly. Jesse patted Kurt's hand. 'I'll tell Seb to back off,' he told him. Kurt murmured his thanks before getting up and leaving. 'I'll see you at rehearsal,' he said by way of goodbye.

The cheesecakes arrived and the four of them looked down at their plates. Suddenly they weren't so hungry anymore.

_**Ok so REVIEW! also a couple of things I have to say**_

_**1. Santana's comment about Rachel's veganism: I don't agree with that, (I myself am a vegan), I just figured it's the type of thing Santana would say. **_

_**2. Johnny is coming back in the next chapter.**_

_**3. REVIEW.**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Ok another one because I love you all so much...REVIEW!**_

**Chapter Twelve**

Rachel thumbed through her script. The cast were taking a short break whilst Mr Schue and Miss Pillsbury worked on the scenes they shared together, as the Adult Man and Adult Woman.

'Hey.'

Rachel spun around upon hearing the soft voice behind her. She saw Quinn standing there, looking sympathetic. 'Hey,' she replied quietly.

There was a short pause as Quinn fumbled with her script. 'Rachel, can we talk? About – what happened?' she asked. Rachel nodded. 'Ok. After rehearsal?' she suggested and Quinn agreed.

Rachel walked over to Kurt, who was sitting alone. He was probably still sad after what had happened at Breadstix earlier. Meanwhile, she noticed Jesse going towards Quinn. They greeted each other with a hug and Rachel tried to ignore the ache in her chest. She turned away. Kurt needed her.

'Are you ok?' she asked gently, putting her arm around his shoulders. He leaned into her and Rachel breathed in Kurt's relaxing scent of sweet vanilla, hair wax and Marc Jacobs cologne. 'I don't know', he replied. 'Blaine texted me saying that he didn't feel well, and he was going home,' he told Rachel. She didn't see why this was a terrible problem – unless he'd encountered the Ebola virus or something – but Kurt was clearly upset so she comforted him. 'Well…you'll see him tomorrow. Or, even better, go pick up some soup and take it to him tonight,' she suggested. But Kurt shook his head.

'That's not the problem. The problem is that I called Blaine's mom to ask how he was doing, and she didn't know what I was talking about. As far as she's concerned, he's at rehearsal. I covered for him, but…Rach, he lied to me. About being sick. And I just – I just can't shake the feeling that something terrible is happening,' he said, his voice quivering. Rachel pulled him into a hug and comforted him, told him everything was fine, that nothing was going on. But as she glanced around and noticed that Sebastian was also absent, she found it hard to believe what she was saying.

'Ok guys, we're doing The Word of Your Body Reprise, then Whispering,' Will ordered. 'Jesse, could you take charge of this scene? I have to make a call – or else we don't have a set,' he explained. Jesse nodded as Will left the room. 'Alright then. Puck, Kurt, you're up,' he said. The two boys stood up, Puck a little reluctantly. They sat down next to one another in the performance space. 'I am not down with this,' Puck complained. Jesse sighed and Kurt rolled his eyes. 'Puck, doing this scene, playing this part; it doesn't make you gay,' Jesse told him wearily. 'By being so scared of kissing me, by being so uncomfortable; it just makes it more likely that you're secretly gay,' Kurt said teasingly.

'Whatever, dude. I'm straight,' Puck insisted. 'Well the straightest thing you could do right now would be to kiss him,' Santana said, her eyes glinting wickedly. 'With tongue,' Brittany added. 'I agree with Santana,' Jesse said, trying to stop himself from grinning. A chant started up around the room; 'kiss him, kiss him, kiss him,' everyone thundered. Puck groaned. 'Alright, fine, I'll kiss Hummel. But only if all you other guys do it too,' he challenged.

Rachel watched as the other guys in the room – Mike, Sam and Jesse – all glanced at each other, nodding in silent agreement. 'Ok, cool,' Mike said, going over to Kurt and pressing their lips together. They kissed for a few seconds, once Kurt was over his initial shock at Mike's directness, then separated. A few people cheered, then Mike walked to Tina and kissed her. 'Yep,' he said, pulling his girlfriend close, 'I'm straight,' he said. Rachel liked Mike's easy going, straight-but-not-narrow, chilled attitude.

Next, Jesse strode to Kurt, tugging the smaller boy up to stand facing him, then kissed him. This kiss was longer, both boys not uncomfortable at all. Jesse's hand caressed Kurt's cheek briefly as he broke the kiss. 'Nice tongue action, Hummel,' Jesse complimented, making Kurt blush. 'You looked like you enjoyed that, St James,' Santana said. Jesse laughed, not admitting his sexuality but not denying it either. Rachel figured that this would be a good way for her to handle things in awkward situations in the future.

'So I guess it's my turn?' Sam asked. Everyone nodded. 'Ok then,' he said, trying to appear calm as he approached Kurt, who actually looked a little nervous now. Sam stood in front of Kurt, and the two stared at each other for a moment. Then Kurt slowly leaned upwards to brush their lips gently. Sam pulled away for a tiny moment. Rachel heard Kurt murmur something just for Sam to hear, and then Sam put his hand on Kurt's cheek and kissed him. This was the longest kiss of all. The rest of the cast watched as Kurt's hands tangled in Sam's hair, and Sam's hands drifted south to rest on Kurt's waist. The kiss deepened and became more intense. Then they seemed to realise that they were in a room full of people and stepped apart. The room was silent, everyone staring at the two of them. 'Well,' Jesse said after a long moment. 'Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's get on with the scene,' he said. Sam quickly exited the performing area and sat with Mike at the edge, who looked curiously at his friend. Sam stared at the ground, not meeting anyone's eyes. He was clearly gay; Rachel could see it plain as day.

The scene was fine. The two boys actually worked well together, playing off each other brilliantly. The kisses went off without a hitch. 'That was great, guys, well done,' Jesse said. 'You ok, Puckerman? Still straight as an arrow?' Santana teased. Rachel was expecting Puck to make a sarcastic comment that he'd just pictured Kurt as a Kardashian or something, but what he said surprised everyone. 'It's different. When you're doing the scene. Cos, I was Hanschen. And Hanschen wanted to kiss him. It felt right, in the moment, because we weren't Puck and Kurt; we were Hanschen and Ernst, you know? I have no desire to kiss you now – no offence,' he said to Kurt. 'Likewise,' Kurt replied. 'Well,' Jesse said, glancing at his watch, 'due to our little homo erotic detour, we're out of time. We can do Whispering tomorrow,' he told Quinn, who nodded. The cast gathered up their things to leave.

Rachel went to Kurt. 'Are you ok? Four guys in one afternoon,' she said, grinning. Kurt smiled. 'Yeah. It was…interesting,' he murmured. At that moment, Jesse walked towards them. 'Nice work today, Kurt. Sorry you had to put up with Puck's demands,' he said, Kurt shrugging in response. 'I'll see you guys tomorrow,' Jesse waved goodbye as he left.

'I'm going home, too. I need pasta and I need ice cream and I need Moulin Rouge,' Kurt said. Rachel hugged him goodbye. 'I'm sure there's nothing to worry about,' she said for the umpteenth time that day, but still not convincing anyone. As Kurt left, Rachel's heart sank as she realised it was now time for the thing she had been dreading all day. Quinn.

-x-

The two girls sat in a quiet café, close to where Quinn lived. There was silence as they sipped their lattes. Rachel finally spoke. 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything to you', she began, but Quinn cut her off. 'God, no. Don't keep your feelings hidden. It's no different to a guy telling me he loves me,' she told Rachel. 'Well I shouldn't have kissed you,' she apologised to Quinn. 'First of all, I kissed you, I initiated it. And I'm not sorry we kissed, but I do need to apologise – for the way I handled things afterwards,' Quinn said. Rachel nodded. 'It hurt, Quinn. I'm not gonna lie. But I get it. Don't beat yourself up about it,' she assured her. 'I'm sorry. You were so brave,' Quinn told Rachel, giving her a small smile.

'Alright, enough with the depressing talk! Tell me about you and Jesse,' Rachel said, forcing herself to look happy. Luckily Quinn couldn't see through her façade – no-one could – and she proceeded to tell Rachel everything. 'Well, I can't tell you everything he told me – it was kinda private – but let's just say that Jesse has some skeletons in his closet that make me uncertain about dating him,' Quinn confessed. Rachel nodded. 'And it's not like my past is flawless. Pregnancy. Adultery, more than once. Being a total bitch to just about anyone. I've changed, it's in the past and everything, but still. It's no wonder he says he's still thinking,' she continued.

Rachel sighed. 'Look, Quinn. If he really likes you, he'll be able to see past all of that. I know I could. And if you really like him, you'll be able to look past his faults too,' she told her bluntly, before continuing, 'and besides, he was at my place last night and from what he said to me – I think you have a pretty good chance it will work out,' Rachel said. Quinn nodded and they sipped in silence for a few minutes. 'Thanks, Rach. This was really great,' she said, smiling. There was still awkwardness between them; of course there was. This time yesterday, they'd been rolling around in their bras making out. But, like most things, Rachel knew that time would make it better.

-x-

The next day, only Rachel and Blaine were needed for the morning, to work on Don't Do Sadness and Blue Wind. Rachel had texted Blaine the previous evening, telling him to meet with her at the Lima Bean for breakfast. They were friends, after all, so Blaine would have no reason to suspect that she was actually intending to grill him about Sebastian.

'Hey Rach,' he said upon his arrival. 'Hello Blaine,' she said coolly. 'What's up?' he asked her. 'Well Blaine, let me put it this way,' Rachel said, placing her cup on the table. 'It is one thing to look at other men and fantasise about them, but it is quite another to cheat on your boyfriend,' she said firmly. Blaine shifted in his seat, his eyes flickering all over the café, and Rachel knew that she was right; he was, indeed, cheating on Kurt.

'You have several options, here. You can tell Kurt everything, and see what happens. But I know for a fact he'd take you back as long as you apologised properly, and stopped this little affair you're having. You can end things with Kurt and do whatever you want, but that will break him. Or you can leave Ohio and run away but that's a little too dramatic for you. But, Blaine, the one thing you can't do is to do nothing. You can't let things carry on the way they are. Kurt's unhappy. And I'm pretty certain you're unhappy,' she told him gently. 'Come on, Blaine. Are you really willing to lose Kurt? Sebastian's not worth it,' Rachel coaxed. 'How did you know it was Seb?' he asked her, eyes wide in shock. 'It was blatantly obvious,' she told him. Blaine sighed.

'I guess you're right,' he told her. Rachel nodded. 'I'm always right,' she murmured. 'So. What are you going to do?' she asked him. Blaine replied after a moment. 'I have to break up with Kurt. We've been drifting apart for a while now. Things haven't been good for a long time. I know you're his friend and everything so you probably hate me – but I can't do this with him, not anymore. I know that cheating on him is inexcusable but I…I can't be with Kurt. Besides,' Blaine said, 'He's been staring at Sam one too many times, I mean, not like he has a chance with him, but still. It's not fair to either of us when we are both preoccupied with other men,' he explained.

There was a long silence until Rachel broke it. 'I agree with you. Neither of you should stay in this unhappy area. Maybe you guys just aren't meant to be,' she said. 'Are we still friends?' Blaine asked hesitantly. Rachel nodded. 'Of course we are,' she said, and they smiled at one another. 'So you missed a pretty interesting rehearsal yesterday,' she said, and proceeded to fill him in on yesterday's events.

-x-

'That's great, Blaine, but you're not detached enough. You need to be, like, as if you're not really here,' Jesse explained to him. Mr Schue was absent – again – so Jesse was directing this scene. Blaine nodded thoughtfully as Jesse continued, 'hold it all in until it becomes too much to bear, then let it rip when the music starts,' he told him. 'Ok,' Blaine said.

'Great. And Rachel, you need to act more chilled out, more free. Hold yourself more loosely – Ilse's a Bohemian, she's pretty liberal. She doesn't agree with the strict standards set by society; I mean, come on, she's wearing a shirt – a man's shirt – and nothing else. In another generation, she'd be a hippy running around in her underwear, having sex and getting stoned,' Jesse tried to explain to Rachel, who was Ilse's polar opposite. She nodded. 'Think more like Santana,' Blaine whispered to her, making Rachel laugh. 'Ok, ok. From the top, guys,' Jesse said, grinning.

'The top? I couldn't agree more. After all, that was your favourite position,' drawled a voice behind Rachel, a man's voice. She had her back to him, but this man had made Jesse's mouth drop open in shock. She turned around. 'Johnny. What are you doing here?' Jesse asked, his voice shaking.

There was a tall man stood in the doorway. He wore an Indiana Jones t-shirt. His hair was tousled. His lips were curled into a teasing grin and his eyes were flaming with lust as he stared at Jesse. Rachel and Blaine looked at one another, confused. 'This rehearsal is over,' Jesse said, storming out. Johnny followed him. Rachel heard shouts in the hallway, then silence, then quiet talking, then finally the slam of the door. They'd left.

**_Ok so you'd better REVIEW if you want to find out what happens next!_**


	13. Chapter 13

**_First of all I need to thank Wanna Be Starting Something and ILuv Kurt n' Blaine because they are both wonderful people who made me smile when I read their reviews. you both made me write faster SEE THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU REVIEW!_**

**_Soo this is the longest chapter so far...I hope you like it! REVIEW!_  
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**Chapter Thirteen**

They were in the hall, outside of the rehearsal space. Jesse was pacing angrily, nervously. 'I have to say, I'm disappointed,' Johnny continued, walking towards Jesse. 'Community theatre. Amateur, community theatre. I guess it's hard to get out of here, isn't it – but then again, I managed,' he said.

Jesse shouted at him, 'I did leave! I got out of here, I did. But you…you fucked me up so much that I couldn't stay away,' he said, laughing, a terrible, dark sound. 'I never got over you, never. I had sex with literally hundreds of people to get over you. I nearly got AIDS. I nearly became a dad. I couldn't stay at college so I came back here, so, yes, I am doing fucking amateur community theatre,' he said, tugging a furious hand over his eyes to get rid of the tears.

There was silence. Jesse had stopped pacing and was now stood facing Johnny, both men staring at each other. Johnny looked a little shocked at what Jesse had just said to him. 'Jess,' he began gently, reaching to place a hand on his arm. Jesse melted at the familiar, comforting touch, then shook his head furiously, managing to pull away. 'No. No, you don't get to call me that. You don't get to touch me. You don't get to just come back here like nothing changed. You cheated on me, John,' he spoke, his voice low.

Johnny took Jesse's face in his hands, pushing it upwards to look at him. Jesse tried to move, but Johnny held him firmly. 'Jesse. I am sorry. I am so, so sorry about what happened. Please believe me. I haven't stopped thinking about you; every single day, I remember you. I remember us. Jess, the two years we were together were the best years of my life. I hate myself for ruining that – I can't tell you how much I hate myself. I came back here to see you,' Johnny said, beginning to cry. Jesse realised that he himself was crying, too.

'I tried to hate you, you know,' he told Johnny. 'But I couldn't. I just couldn't. Despite everything, I never stopped loving you. I'm angry with you, I'm furious, actually. But you…you are the love of my life,' Jesse said. The two men were close together now. Jesse could smell Johnny; he still wore the same cologne after all this time. His hair was still adorably ruffled. His eyes were still the same. His breath was still warm. His hands were still slightly calloused from permanently playing guitar. His body still fit perfectly with Jesse's. Jesse couldn't think anymore, and he leaned into that familiar body and kissed Johnny, hard.

-x-

They bolted out of the building, hand in hand, and then they somehow ended up on the backseat of Johnny's car. Jesse lay across the seat, kissing Johnny roughly, and they both began removing their clothes. 'What if people see?' Jesse asked breathily between kisses. 'Tinted windows,' Johnny replied, grinning, and then their lips found each other again.

As their – ahem, situations below – became more of a problem, Jesse began fumbling in his jeans, which lay on the floor, for protection. Johnny leaned across him, though, and fumbled in a small compartment, emerging moments later holding lube and a fistful of condoms. Jesse raised his eyebrows. 'Come on, Jess. It's us. Too much hotness for just one round,' Johnny whispered. Jesse laughed; he used to say it all the time, back in the old days.

As Jesse began sucking roughly on Johnny's neck, running a hand up the inside of his leg, Johnny ripped into a condom and put it on himself, between groans. In a sudden movement, he was on top of Jesse, and Jesse parted his legs obligingly. Johnny didn't bother to open Jesse up; he positioned himself and then thrust into Jesse, who moaned loudly. He moved back, almost completely, then slammed into Jesse again, both men making loud noises of contentment. They continued in this way for a while, then Jesse took his turn…then Johnny again. And Jesse again…they basically did everything they could think of before running out of condoms. And Johnny had a lot of condoms.

Afterwards, they lay together. Johnny's head was resting on Jesse's chest, their legs tangled. The distinctive smell of sex hung in the air. Jesse absentmindedly stroked a hand through Johnny's hair as the guilt began to hit him. 'Oh god,' he murmured to himself. 'Mm, I know,' Johnny said softly, kissing Jesse's neck. 'No it's not that, it's just that I – I'm kind of involved with someone,' Jesse confessed, feeling terrible. Quinn would not forgive him for this. Not in a million years.

Johnny moved off of Jesse slightly. 'From the look on your face, I'm guessing it's not an open relationship,' he said, and Jesse shook his head. 'Well we've not officially decided anything…but she would not be on board with this,' he explained. Johnny nodded. 'What's she like? Is she cute?' he asked. 'Like you care, you're gay,' Jesse said to his ex. 'Just because I have no desire to fuck the female form doesn't mean I don't appreciate it. In a totally non-sexual way, of course,' Johnny told him. The two of them laughed.

'I'm sorry Johnny. I shouldn't have kissed you…I shouldn't have let this happen. Not that this wasn't good – this was…my god, this was fucking amazing – but I don't want to get back together. What we had was wonderful. It was a great two years, and I'll never forget it. I'll probably always love you. But it has to stay in the past. I need to move on. I'm a different person now. I should be with Quinn. I'm sorry,' he said. Johnny nodded slowly. 'I understand,' he said. They stared at each other for a long, long moment. 'Goodbye, Johnny,' Jesse said. They kissed again, one last time. Jesse savoured every second, because even though he and Johnny would never be together again, this mouth, this body, this man, had been such a huge part of his life. This kiss was closing the door on that part of his life, and Jesse wanted to enjoy every last moment before the door locked him out. 'Goodbye, Jesse,' Johnny said once they'd broken apart.

The two men put their clothes on in silence and Jesse took one last look at Johnny. Then he got out of the car and slammed the door. He didn't look back.

-x-

Jesse had to talk to Sebastian. He needed his friend. And he also needed the French vodka Sebastian had smuggled back from Paris. He sped along the dusty road in his car in silence, fiddling with his stereo until his Sondheim mix CD came on. Only he would truly understand Jesse's melancholia.

The moment Jesse arrived at the house, he ran to the door, letting himself in. He didn't bother to knock; this was practically his second home. 'Seb?' he called out, as he walked straight to the kitchen, getting himself a glass and filling it with ice. 'Seb, I need to talk to you,' he called again, taking the bottle of clear liquid and pouring himself a generous measure. Jesse closed his eyes for a moment listening to the marvellous way the ice cracked with the vodka. He took a long gulp, draining his glass. He felt the burn in his throat, and poured himself another. The French did everything better, Jesse decided. Except musical theatre, of course. This time, Jesse let the alcohol swirl through his mouth, letting his teeth go numb. He closed his eyes and felt the alcohol hit. That was when he heard footsteps walking towards him. Good, Sebastian was here. 'Hey,' he said, still with his eyes closed. No response. He opened his eyes and nearly fell over. 'Quinn?'

She was standing in the doorway, looking stunning, as usual. 'Quinn…what…how…why?' Jesse asked, dumbstruck. She looked a little shaken up about something. When she spoke, her voice was panicked and shaky. 'I went to your place, to talk to you, but you weren't in. Your cleaner told me you often hang out here – she gave me the address. I came here because I really needed to talk to you. Nobody answered the door so I let myself in. Then I heard two guys talking upstairs, figured it was you and Sebastian, so I went up there – I went in there – oh god,' she said, beginning to cry. Jesse immediately went to her and wrapped an arm around her. 'What is it?' he asked, getting worried. 'Jesse…you need to go up there,' she said, taking the drink out of Jesse's other hand and draining what was left in the glass, then grabbing the bottle and downing a large measure. Jesse hastily took the bottle away from her and took it with him.

Jesse started up the stairs, determined to know why Quinn was so upset. He knocked once, sharply, on the door, and flung it open. His eyes widened. Sebastian was lying in bed, clearly naked under the sheets, with his arms wrapped around Blaine. Jesse sighed. Sebastian grinned at Jesse and Blaine waved. He could see why Quinn would have been upset about this – Kurt was her friend and cheating was a sore spot for her.

'Hello boys,' Jesse said slowly. He wasn't about to give a lecture on infidelity – it would be of no use with Sebastian and Jesse himself was hardly a saint in that area. So he decided to address this calmly and practically.

He stepped into the room and sat down. 'Blaine, does Kurt know about this?' he asked. Blaine looked shifty. 'Not exactly…I mean, I haven't told him. But he knows. I know he knows,' he said. 'Oh, Kurt definitely knows,' said a voice in the doorway. Blaine's face went pale and Jesse turned around. Kurt was stood there, looking angry and heartbroken. 'Kurt sweetie, let me explain,' Blaine said, getting out of the bed and grabbing a pillow to cover his groin. He started towards Kurt, who slapped him. Blaine stumbled backwards, falling onto Jesse's lap. Jesse tried to ignore the fact that he was wearing designer jeans and Blaine's bare-fresh-from-sex-ass was going to cover them with various fluids that Jesse didn't want to think about.

Kurt burst into tears. 'I didn't want to believe Quinn when she called me. But I just knew it was true,' he said. 'I was going to tell you, I swear,' Blaine told him, and Kurt shook his head sadly. 'You know what, Blaine, I've saved you the trouble. So you two can get back to – that – and I'll be on my way. We're over. And don't even try the let's-be-friends card,' Kurt said, storming out. 'Screw you,' his voice screamed from the hall, then the front door slammed loudly.

The three boys sat in silence for a moment. Blaine was pretty shaken up, Jesse was still shaken up from the Johnny incident and was now mildly tipsy, and Sebastian was doing something on his phone, clearly unfazed by the conflict. It wasn't like it was the first time he'd broken a couple up, Jesse reasoned. Jesse then became aware that Blaine was still on his lap, and cleared his throat loudly. 'Right, sorry,' Blaine murmured, jumping off him, the pillow falling to the floor. 'Nice package, Anderson,' Jesse winked at him. Blaine blushed. 'You wouldn't believe just how nice it really is,' Sebastian said, putting down his phone and moving to Blaine, comforting him. 'Seb, I really have to talk to you,' Jesse said, looking at him meaningfully. Sebastian understood, nodding. 'Let me just deal with Blaine first,' he said, but Blaine interjected. 'No, it's ok, I'm going to take a shower. Clear my head,' he said. Sebastian kissed Blaine's temple and the two of them clasped hands for a moment. They had a quick whispered conversation, so Jesse graciously turned his back to give them some privacy. He took a long draught of vodka. Then he heard light footsteps scurry out of the room – Blaine had gone.

Jesse was at the window, where he saw Kurt and Quinn talking outside. She was out of earshot, thankfully. They could talk without her overhearing. 'So. What's up?' Sebastian asked from behind him. 'Johnny. Johnny came by rehearsal,' Jesse said quietly, still gazing outside. He could hear movement behind him and knew that Sebastian was making himself decent. 'Wow. What happened?' his friend asked, clearly shocked. 'What do you think happened?' Jesse said, turning away from the window. He couldn't talk about this whilst looking at Quinn.

Jesse went to sit on the desk chair. Sebastian walked over to him. 'Well you look like sex,' Sebastian told him, then took his hand and lifted it up to his nose, 'and you smell like sex too,' he told him, dropping Jesse's hand. 'Like you can talk,' Jesse murmured.

'So you slept with your ex whilst being semi-involved with someone else,' Sebastian summarised, and Jesse nodded bitterly. 'Yes. Multiple times,' he whispered shamefully, having lost count of the actual number. 'You did what?' said a small voice behind him. Jesse's heart almost stopped. Oh shit. Oh fuck. He turned around and saw Quinn, a tear falling down her cheek. 'You're good at walking in at the wrong times, aren't you?' Sebastian said to her. Quinn ignored him. 'Jesse? Is that true?' she asked him. 'You – I – you were supposed to be outside,' he said lamely. 'Oh and that would make it ok?' she challenged. 'I thought I was the one who would be unfaithful. It never crossed my mind that you would do it,' she said, crying now. Jesse automatically wrapped his arms around her. 'I'm so, so sorry, Quinn,' he said, his own tears falling into her hair. She pushed him away. 'No. I can't be around you right now. I can't be with you,' she told him sadly.

Jesse shook his head. He couldn't lose Quinn; she was everything he needed right now. 'No – Quinn, I care about you so much; you don't know how much you mean to me. I hate what I did, I wanted to punch myself in the face. I totally understand if you want to hit me right now,' he said to her. 'That would be pathetic. I'm not some stupid bitch in a teen movie,' she said, making them both smile, the tiniest of smiles shared between them. Then Quinn's fell back into a thin, sad line. 'I'm done, Jesse,' she whispered. They looked at each other for a moment, then Quinn began to leave. Jesse tried one last time, desperate. 'Please. Please, Quinn. I – I need you in my life,' he said.

Jesse went to her, taking her small hand in his. He slowly intertwined their fingers, ignoring the tears that fell. He bought her hand up to his face, pressing his lips to her fingers. He closed his eyes and felt the soft skin, inhaled the scent of lemons and ginger and something else, something that was pure Quinn. He kissed her hand gently, once, twice. She pulled it away, shaking her head. 'Don't. I can't,' she told him. Then Quinn walked away.

Jesse stood, watching the empty space, unable to think or do anything. Sebastian pulled him into a hug, and Jesse cried onto his friend. Sebastian didn't say anything. He just let Jesse cry. Even though he could be a real dick, Sebastian Smythe was an amazing friend. Jesse told Sebastian this, somewhat incoherently, as his friend placed the bottle of vodka into his hand. Sebastian steered Jesse into one of the spare bedrooms, the one which was basically Jesse's room. Sebastian said something about shower sex with Blaine and left. Jesse fell backwards onto the large bed, holding the bottle like a teddy.

He took a good, long gulp. And another. And another. He noticed that more than half the liquid had gone. Jesse drunkenly sang to the bottle. 'And all shall know the wonder' – burp – 'of Sebastian's vodkaaa…,' he lamented, then began to cry again.

-x-

There was a soft knock at the door. 'Quinn?' Jesse shouted, getting up quickly. 'Nope. Just me,' Rachel said. His face fell and he slumped back onto the bed. 'Well that's a nice greeting,' she said, coming over to him. 'Sorry. I thought you were Quinn,' he mumbled. 'I gathered,' she said as she lay next to him. 'Sebastian called me. He told me everything. I thought you could use a friend,' she explained.

Rachel held his hand. 'It's going to be alright,' she told him gently, lifting his tired head and resting it on her chest. 'You don't have to do this,' Jesse told her, but she shook her head. 'Yes, I do. You were there for me when things were bad. Now it's my turn to be here for you,' she said, gently removing the bottle from Jesse's grasp. They lay there in silence for a moment. Jesse glanced up at his friend, and she smiled at him. He couldn't return it.

Jesse didn't love Rachel, not anymore. He wasn't even attracted to her. And she was gay. But she was hot. And she was here. And he was drunk and heartbroken. So he lazily ran a hand up her leg, which instantly stiffened. 'Jess, what are you doing?' she asked, a warning tone in her voice. He didn't reply; instead, he kissed her neck softly. That's when she realised what was happening. 'Ok, no,' she said, kind but firm, and immediately moved away from him. 'Jesse, you're drunk and I guarantee you'll regret trying that tomorrow,' she told him gently, giving him a light punch on the shoulder and took his hand, steering him out of the room and into the bathroom.

'Sebastian left some clothes and towels here for you. I think you'll feel better if you have a shower and some dinner,' she said, giving him a hug. 'I promise it will be ok,' she told him. Jesse nodded blearily. Rachel fiddled with the shower, Jesse unable to do so in his drunken state, and then she helped him undress, leaving him in just his boxers. 'I'm going to turn around so I can't see you, but I'm staying here whilst you're in there in case you slip or something,' she said. Jesse nodded as she turned around, slipping out of his boxers and then stepping under the hot jet of water. He sighed, letting the water run all over his body. It seemed like a good idea to sit down, so he slowly curled himself into a ball. The water felt so good on his dirty skin. Johnny and Quinn and Rachel…it all went away. He closed his eyes.

-x-

'Jesse? Jesse?' He heard Rachel's voice, sounding worried. He opened his eyes, and yelped; there was a huge towel about a foot away from his face. 'Jesse, you fell asleep. Come on, you need to get out,' she told him. Jesse realised that Rachel was holding the towel in front of her own face so that she wouldn't see anything. He laughed, and took it from her. When he stepped out, she was holding a smaller towel which she began drying his hair with. 'I'm sorry for trying to sleep with you,' Jesse told her. Rachel smiled gently. 'It's ok. You're massively intoxicated. I think you drank almost an entire bottle. And it's only 6pm,' she told him. 'Really? Can we watch a movie?' he slurred. She nodded. 'Sure. I doubt that Mr Smythe's movie musical collection is of the same standard as mine, though,' she warned. Jesse laughed. 'I love you, Rach,' he told her, giving her a hug. 'I love you too Jess,' she returned.

-x-

'These are good eggs,' Jesse said as he ate the food Rachel had made for him. 'Jesse, I wouldn't feed you baby chicks. I'm a vegan. It's tofu scramble,' she said, rolling her eyes as she took a bite of her own meal. 'Oh right. Yeah, sorry,' he said. 'I'm going to blame your forgetfulness with your drunkenness. Anyway, it could have been worse - Finn's fed me meat before,' she said, shuddering. 'What an ass,' Jesse murmured. Rachel nodded in agreement. RENT was playing on the screen before them – the only movie musical Sebastian had in his house – and the two of them chipped in here and there to sing along to their favourite parts.

'Aw man, I haven't watched this in ages,' said a voice from the door. Blaine and Sebastian entered, both wearing sweats, holding hands. They crashed on the sofa between Jesse and Rachel. 'Hey Rach, get the guys some of your eggs,' Jesse said, winking at her. She understood. 'Oh yeah, you should try some, they're really good,' she said. Rachel scuttled into the kitchen, returning moments later with large platefuls of the tofu scramble. 'Mm, salsa,' Blaine commented, taking a large mouthful. Jesse and Rachel grinned at each other, watching the two men unknowingly eat the tofu. Unable to keep the secret any longer, Jesse burst out, 'it's not eggs, it's tofu!' gleefully, and Rachel laughed. 'Damn you Berry,' Sebastian said, but they were both laughing.

Jesse speared a piece of avocado on his fork. 'A room full of queers,' he said in a sing song voice. 'You are so drunk,' Sebastian said, swatting playfully at his friend's shoulder. 'He's right, though,' Blaine said. 'Of course I'm right,' Jesse said. The four of them laughed as they realised what he said was true. 'Sh, sh, La Vie Boheme is on!' Rachel ordered. The anthem had, indeed, started, so they all put down their plates and danced up and down the sofa, and the coffee table, Jesse even rolling around on the floor at one point. When the song reached its end, with Blaine and Sebastian kissing rather deeply, and Rachel sat on Jesse's shoulders, he looked around, realising that he was smiling. And yes, maybe it was alcohol-induced, but Jesse knew that he was going to be just fine.

**_Hope that was ok...also don't worry, Johnny's not gone yet. PLEASE REVIEW!_**


	14. Chapter 14

**_Right, sorry for the small delay, I've had all my A Level exams (the British version of SATS) But they ARE OVER NOW! So there should be new chapters more regularly through the summer because I have no schoolwork anymore yay! So here is the new chapter and PLEASE review_  
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**Chapter Fourteen**

Jesse woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. He groaned, realising he was lying in a plate of congealed tofu scramble. 'Fuck,' he muttered, removing some salsa from his hair. Looking around, bleary eyed, he saw Rachel lying under the coffee table, snoring lightly. Blaine and Sebastian were curled together on the couch. Jesse was in an armchair. He slowly stood up, and went to the kitchen to find something that would fix his pounding head.

He poured some tomato juice into a glass and added water. Then he grabbed an egg, smashing it onto the side of the glass. It made a deafening noise. 'Sh,' Jesse scolded it as he tipped the goop into his drink. He finally crushed some pills (nothing illegal, just from the drugstore) into the glass and swirled the foul looking concoction around with a fork. He closed his eyes and swallowed it all down as quickly as he could, holding his breath to avoid actually tasting it. Then he darted to the fridge and glugged some orange juice straight from the carton, killing the aftertaste.

Jesse quietly padded up the stairs, finding his jeans from yesterday and digging for his phone. It was nearly 9am. Shit. They were going to be late for rehearsal. 'Guys!' he yelled, pounding back downstairs, not bothering to be quiet anymore. He arrived in the living room, greeted by three half asleep protestors. 'Come on, we have rehearsal,' he prompted them. 'Will's back today so we'll be in trouble if we're late,' Rachel said, rubbing her eyes as she stood up. 'We're leaving in twenty minutes. Seb, are you coming?' Jesse asked, clearing up the plates from last night. 'Yeah. If that's ok,' Sebastian looked to Blaine, who nodded. 'Yeah. I'd like that,' he said quietly. They smiled, then kissed one another, before quickly pulling away, frowning in mild disgust. 'Morning breath?' Rachel asked teasingly as she went to take a shower. 'Dammit Berry!' Sebastian shouted after her, receiving a loud giggle in return. Jesse rolled his eyes, laughing, and went upstairs to get ready.

-x-

'I wish this car had a privacy partition,' Rachel grumbled to Jesse. She was driving, Jesse in the passenger seat next to her. Blaine and Sebastian, meanwhile, were rolling around in the backseat, having a very loud makeout session. 'Me too,' Jesse said quietly. He hated seeing happy couples when he was sad and alone. Now that he no longer had French liquor pumping through his veins, he was seeing things much more clearly, painfully so. Quinn was not with him. She hated him. And he was going to have to see her, quite soon. And share scenes with her. This was not going to be a fun day.

'Rach, I just have to say that I'm – I'm just really, so, so, terribly, insanely sorry about what happened last night,' he said. She laughed. 'I told you that you'd regret it in the morning,' she said. Jesse smiled weakly. 'Still. It shouldn't have happened and I promise that it won't happen again,' he said, hoping he'd be able to keep his promise. Secretly, Jesse was scared. The thought process and the feelings that had made him want to have sex with Rachel; it was the exact same thing he always went through after a breakup. It made him want to have sex with people to get over someone. He was scared stiff at the prospect of going through all that again.

Jesse was snapped out of his thoughts by the car stopping. They had arrived at rehearsal. Blaine and Sebastian reluctantly moved apart. 'Hold it,' Rachel said, stopping Blaine from opening his door. 'I'm happy that you guys are happy and everything. But please be respectful of Kurt. You guys just broke up yesterday. He's really upset. And it's not easy to see your ex all over someone else,' she told them. 'I will,' Blaine promised. 'Me too,' Sebastian added. They got out of the car and went into rehearsal.

'Good, you guys are here,' Will said, ticking them off on the register. 'And Sebastian too, wonderful,' Kurt muttered sarcastically, glaring at him. Jesse nodded at Quinn, offering her a tiny smile, which she ignored. Blaine looked uncomfortable, and Sam even more so. Will glanced around at his cast, noticing the obvious tension that hung in the air. 'Look, you guys,' he said frankly. 'I can't have this. You need to get along, otherwise there will be disaster on stage. Is there any way that you can resolve your differences?' he asked them. There was silence. 'Um, Mr Schue?' Tina piped up. 'I don't mean to be rude, but what problems?' she said. 'Yeah, I don't understand what you're talking about,' Puck added. Will sighed. 'Obviously you're not all involved,' he clarified. Emma, who was sitting with Will, interrupted. 'Why don't we sit in a circle and get it all out in the open. That's the best way to deal with these things,' she suggested. Will nodded. 'Yes. I don't like to waste rehearsal time – but I think in the long run, this will save us a lot of trouble,' he said.

-x-

They were now all sitting in their chairs, in a lopsided circle. Jesse was bouncing his leg up and down impatiently; this sort of thing wasted time, and was totally unnecessary. He also didn't want to risk breaking down like he had last night. That would just be humiliating.

It had been silent for several minutes. 'Right then. Kurt,' Emma said, turning to the boy who was sat next to her. 'Why don't you start – is there anything you want to get off your chest?' she asked him. Kurt took a deep breath, staring intently at Blaine, who looked uncomfortable. 'Yes. Yes, there is something I want to get off my chest,' he spoke calmly and evenly. 'Kurt, please don't do this, not here,' Blaine began, but Kurt cut across him. 'Blaine, I can't believe you did this to me. I knew things hadn't been going well, but that does not give you the right to go sleeping with the first man you find,' he said angrily. Blaine tried to respond, but Kurt carried on. 'Do you know how it feels, Blaine, when someone calls you and tells you that the person who is supposed to be your one and only, the person who is supposed to love you, the person who you love more than anything…has cheated on you? Like I wasn't enough for you?' he asked, beginning to cry. Rachel, on Kurt's other side, rubbed his shoulder soothingly.

'Kurt…I can't begin to say how sorry I am. I was going to tell you, I swear, it just never seemed like the right time. And we were growing apart – I know that's not an excuse, but still,' he said. 'I know this is a lousy apology, Kurt. I messed up. And I'm sorry beyond belief,' he told him earnestly. 'And you are the bigger person. You weren't totally satisfied with me; you were starting to look at someone else. But you had the strength and the respect to not give in like I did,' he said. Shock flashed across Kurt's face, but he quickly masked it. 'What are you talking about? Who was I looking at – I wasn't looking at anyone!' he stuttered. 'You can't take your eyes off of Sam,' Blaine said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Sam, who was sat next to Jesse, suddenly jerked to attention. 'What?' he asked, not angrily, though. It was more like he was nervous, curious. Kurt blushed. 'It's nothing,' he murmured, staring at the floor. Will quickly interjected. 'Ok, I think you guys can…sort that out in your own time. Now, Blaine and Kurt, are you ok?' he asked. 'I hope so,' Blaine said, looking to Kurt for agreement. Kurt sighed, then spoke monotonously. 'I will be polite and civil. I will make sure that any scenes we share are not affected. But we are not ok. We are not friends,' he told Blaine firmly. There was a pause. 'I need some time,' Kurt said, leaving quickly.

'Right, well if that's all, I suggest we press on with Act II,' Will said. The cast began to move, when a small voice piped up. 'That's not all,' it said quietly. Jesse turned, seeing it was Quinn who spoke. She was looking at Jesse as she did. He shook his head at her, desperate to avoid any kind of conflict or risk losing his cool. Everyone sat back down, curious. She began to speak, and Jesse stared resolutely at his shoes. 'So. Ok. I was at my house one evening. And someone showed up. A girl,' she began, glancing at Rachel, but not wanting to name and shame her. 'It was me,' Rachel said. 'It's ok. They were going to find out somehow,' she told her. Quinn nodded, and continued. 'So Rachel showed up. She told me that she loved me. And at first I was freaked, and then she was going to leave, but I couldn't let her do that. I – I kissed her. And we were, um, kissing for quite a while,' she explained.

Everyone was staring at her, shocked. 'You guys kissed? Hot,' commented Puck. 'Anyway,' Quinn said, rolling her eyes at Puck, 'we kept on kissing until someone knocked at the door. Then Rachel left so that I could talk to the person at the door…Jesse. I didn't know why he was there, and I was also, obviously, a little confused about what had just happened with Rachel. He was very sweet about it. Then we somehow ended up kissing too, and even though I enjoyed that – a lot – I was feeling even more confused than before,' she said. 'We both talked, found out we were basically falling for each other. Pretty hard. We didn't really define whatever we were – I wouldn't say we were boyfriend and girlfriend or anything. But we were definitely something,' she explained. 'You were everything,' Jesse whispered before he could stop himself. He felt Sam place a comforting hand on his knee.

'But…well maybe it's my fault for not insisting we sort out our relationship…I was just so confused,' she said, and Jesse interrupted. 'It wasn't your fault. It was my own stupid fault,' he told her. 'What was your fault?' Mike asked. Jesse sighed. 'I slept with my ex,' he confessed. 'It was a stupid thing to do. The moment it was over I wanted to take it back. And I need you, Quinn. You're everything I've been searching for, for a long time now,' he told her. Quinn sighed sadly. 'Jesse I wish I could see past this, but I just can't,' she said. 'I know it wasn't cheating, since we were never really together properly, but…I didn't like the way it made me feel,' she explained. Jesse nodded. 'Right,' he said, standing up. He gathered up his things, hearing people ask him questions, but he couldn't listen. 'Right,' he said again, letting the rejection sink in. He glanced at the rest of the cast, all watching him sadly. His eyes fell upon Sam. Sam. His soft blonde hair, his chiselled body, his innocent eyes. He was just sitting there. He was asking for it, Jesse told himself. 'Evans, with me,' he said, leaving. Sam obediently stood up, following Jesse out.

'Um, are you ok? Do you need, I don't know, a drink or something? I'm not really sure why you wanted me to come with you, I mean, we're not really friends…should I go get Sebastian? Or Rachel?' Sam asked. Too many words for Jesse. 'Just stop talking for a moment. Where do you live?' he asked him. 'Not far. Ten minute drive,' Sam told him. Jesse nodded. 'Will your parents be home?' he asked. 'No, they're at work. They don't get home until six. My brother and sister are at summer camp,' he told him. 'Right. We're going to your house,' Jesse told him, climbing into the passenger seat of Sam's car. Sam got inside too, still looking confused. 'Drive,' Jesse ordered, turning to rest his head on the window. The car engine rumbled as they started down the road. The radio began playing an awful song that Jesse had never heard before. It was one of those songs that you knew was going to be total shit after just hearing the first couple of bars. But he didn't have the energy to care. Quinn had officially told him no. There was no way he would ever be with her. He needed someone else to distract him. And Samuel Evans was exactly what he needed.

They pulled up outside Sam's house, and went inside. Sam locked the door behind them, and said something about talking about this in his bedroom. Jesse only heard the word 'bedroom,' which was enough for him, so he nodded. They climbed upstairs and arrived in the small room, and Sam began hastily clearing his floor. Jesse quickly closed the door, and walked swiftly over to Sam, pulling the boy round to face him, and Jesse roughly kissed him. 'What are you doing?' Sam asked, pulling away to look at him. 'Come on, Evans. I know you're gay,' Jesse whispered, planting kisses up his neck. Sam pulled away again. 'I'm not gay,' he mumbled. Jesse laughed dryly. 'You're going to have to work on your acting skills, Sam,' he told him, kissing him on the mouth again. Sam really had lips that Jesse could get lost in, but he seemed reluctant to return the kiss. 'Cut the crap, Evans. I suspected you were gay for a while. Then you kissed Kurt the other day and it was blindingly obvious,' he told him. Jesse was no stranger to the whole 'but I'm not gay' argument; he had faced it many times and won every one of those times. Sam looked at Jesse, still nervous. 'Come on,' Jesse encouraged him, moving his hands down to rest on Sam's waist. The younger boy gave in, finally. Their lips crushed together, and Jesse began forgetting Quinn, forgetting Johnny, forgetting everything.

Sam's hands tangled in Jesse's hair, Jesse's hands running over the firm planes of Sam's chest. Jesse slipped his tongue inside Sam's mouth. He began removing his clothes. Sam stopped kissing. 'What are you doing?' he asked, a little breathlessly. 'What does it look like?' Jesse muttered, tugging down Sam's jeans. Sam didn't say anything; he just obediently removed his shirt. Both now naked, Jesse led Sam over to the bed, straddling him. They kissed a little longer, then Jesse leaned over the bed, fumbling in his jacket pocket. He found the lube and condom he was looking for and resumed his kissing, then slowly trailed his mouth down Sam's chest. Damn, he smelled good. Just as Jesse was about to take Sam into his mouth, the younger boy spoke up. 'Jesse…I'm a virgin,' he murmured softly. 'I know,' Jesse said. He was usually quite a caring person, but not in these sorts of circumstances. Jesse took Sam into his mouth, moving his head up and down, getting faster. Sam was moaning, and Jesse felt Sam's hand on the back of his head, urging him to keep going. Sam came quite quickly – Jesse was not surprised at this; he was a virgin, after all – spilling into Jesse's mouth. He quickly swallowed. Sam seemed to want to talk or cuddle or something. But Jesse couldn't do that. If he stopped, for even a second, the guilt about the way he was treating Sam, and his failure to quit doing this sort of thing, would begin to settle in. He wanted to postpone it as long possible.

Jesse hurriedly flipped Sam over, ripping into the condom. He didn't want to look at Sam's face during this. Jesse put the condom on, and positioned himself over the boy below him, who had only just realised what was happening. 'Jesse…hang on, are you sure?' Sam began to ask nervously, but Jesse ignored him. He didn't even prepare Sam; Jesse needed release. He thrust all the way into Sam, deaf to his cry of pain. He noticed Sam burying his head in the pillow to muffle his small screams, his fists balling up. Jesse moved into him regardless. Of course, Sam relaxed after a little while, beginning to enjoy it. His hips bucked into Jesse. Jesse didn't make any noise – this was nothing new or wondrous to him; it was just another meaningless fuck. Sam, below him, was having the time of his life, it seemed. When Jesse reached his climax, he felt both satisfied and nervous. It was over now. He realised, with a sinking feeling in his heart, that he'd have to find another person. And another. And another. That was how this vicious fucking cycle worked.

Jesse quickly withdrew from Sam, dropping the condom into the waste basket beside the bed. He tried to avoid eye contact with Sam as he cleaned himself up, but the boy placed a hand on Jesse's shoulder. 'That…that was amazing,' he said, smiling at Jesse in awe. 'I mean, it's not like I have anything to compare it to, but…I can't imagine it gets much better than that. You're amazing, man,' he told him. Jesse was used to this kind of response. 'Thanks Evans,' he said quietly. To his surprise, Sam kissed him, deeply. Jesse returned it half-heartedly, trying to figure out how to break it to Sam that they weren't boyfriends or anything. Sam lay back down on the bed, pulling Jesse down with him. Jesse thought he wanted to go for round two, but Sam just wrapped his arms around Jesse and held him. 'Let's just lay here,' he said. Jesse began to feel terrible. He'd led Sam on…he'd taken the boy's virginity, for god's sake. His head was on Sam's chest. Jesse stroked Sam's abs lazily. 'So I'm just going to refer you back to your earlier comment, where you affirmed you were firmly heterosexual,' Jesse said. He felt Sam shake under him, laughing. 'I'm gay. I knew the whole time. I've actually known for a while,' he confessed. Jesse nodded. 'I've known since the first time I laid eyes on you,' he told him. 'That obvious? I'm surprised nobody else noticed,' Sam commented. 'I wouldn't worry. My gaydar is pretty advanced,' Jesse said. They lay in silence for a while.

It was only after Sam gently kissed Jesse's temple that he realised. Sam thought this was a relationship. Jesse couldn't tell him that it wasn't. He was never good with words unless they were scripted. He untangled himself from Sam, standing up. 'I'm just going to bathroom,' he told Sam, who nodded. 'Hurry back,' he said suggestively. Jesse nodded, feeling guilty for what he was about to do. He swiftly grabbed his clothes from the floor whilst Sam had his back to him, then darted out of the room. He stole down the stairs and quietly let himself out the front door, praying that nobody would see him. He ran around the side of the house, pulling his clothes on. Then he realised he didn't bring his car. Jesse mentally facepalmed, and began to quickly run down the street. He didn't stop running until he was well away from the house, and had gone down several side streets, certain that Sam wouldn't be able to find him. He ducked into the Costco in order to hide, and dialled Rachel's number.

'Hey Jess, are you ok?' she asked, her voice concerned. Jesse tried to answer but all that came out was a sob. 'No,' he choked out, tears beginning to fall. He sank onto a bench and tried to ignore the way people were staring at him. 'I'm not ok…I've done something awful. I'm a mess. And I don't have my car,' he sobbed into the phone. 'Ok, ok. Hang on, my phone is tracking your location…why are you in Costco?' she asked after a moment. 'I needed to – it doesn't matter, can you come and get me, please?' he begged. 'Yes, I'll be there in five,' she told him, and hung up. Jesse sat on the bench, staring at the floor. He was too ashamed of his public display of emotion to look anyone in the eye. After a few minutes, he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He jerked, having a wild moment of paranoia and thinking it was Sam. Luckily, he was staring into the kind chocolate eyes of Rachel. He felt a sudden urge to cry, which she spotted and stopped him. 'Hold it in. Come to the car,' she said gently. He allowed her to guide him out and then they sat in the back of her car.

As soon as the door was closed, Jesse broke down. He cried loudly, messily. Rachel scooted closer and held him, rocked him slowly back and forth. She didn't say anything – she knew Jesse well enough to know that when he was upset, he would talk when he was ready. 'Oh god…Rach I've seriously messed up,' he told her. 'What's wrong?' she coaxed him gently, rubbing soothing circles into his shoulder. He had to tell her. 'I slept with Sam,' he said, all in a rush. 'Really? I was wondering where you two disappeared off to. Which reminds me – I take it you aren't coming back to rehearsal?' she asked. Jesse shook his head wearily. 'No I – wait, aren't you more shocked?' he asked. 'Please. I knew he was gay when he kissed Kurt the other day. Talk about obvious. And I bet he enjoyed his first time. From what I hear, you're pretty great in bed.' she said teasingly. Jesse groaned. 'You talked to Sebastian,' he realised. Rachel giggled. 'Why are you so messed up about this? He's a really nice guy, and he's gorgeous…maybe the sex was a little too soon, but I guess everyone's different. You two are going to be great together,' she comforted him. Jesse shook his head; she'd completely misunderstood.

'No, Rach, you don't understand. See, I kind of have a problem,' he said carefully. He'd never said it out loud before. 'Whenever something goes wrong for me…I need to have sex with a lot of people. It never actually works so I don't know why I do it. And I promised myself, and Quinn too, that I'd never fall back into the old habit again. But today, she rejected me. And Sam was just – just right there,' he explained, head in his hands as he waited for Rachel's reaction, which he was sure would contain a lot of long complex words about morals and ethics and possibly feminism. But it didn't go anything like that. She was obviously a little shocked. But she knew Jesse better than anyone, so she knew screaming and ranting about it was not the best thing to do. Instead, she spoke quietly, kindly.

'Well that explains last night,' she said. 'God, I still can't believe I did that,' Jesse murmured, to which Rachel shook her head. 'Forget about it already. Anyway. No, I don't like what you've done, I don't agree with it. But I still love you just as much. We're still friends. And obviously Quinn feels the same because she doesn't mind either. But Jesse, I'm worried about Sam. He's my friend too, and glad as I am that he's finally coming to terms with who he is...the way you treated him wasn't right,' she told him. Jesse nodded, knowing she was right. Rachel was always right. 'The thing is, Sam thinks we're in a relationship or something. Which we definitely aren't – no offence to him, he's a nice guy and everything – but no. And – well. I didn't exactly leave things in a good place with him,' he confessed. 'What do you mean?' Rachel asked. Jesse put his head in his hands. 'I told him that I was going to the bathroom but instead I just left the house, I left him there, waiting for me. And ran to Costco. And then I panicked and called you,' he admitted shamefully.

'Oh Jess,' Rachel sighed wearily. 'If I was a different sort of girl I would slap you right now,' she told him. 'I know, I deserve to be slapped…what I did to him was awful. And if there was even a tiny scrap of a chance that Quinn would one day see things differently…well it's gone now,' Jesse said. There was a long silence. They held each other silently, Rachel doing so to comfort him, Jesse doing so to thank her. They didn't need to talk; Rachel and Jesse knew each other so well. Jesse kissed the top of her head affectionately and she snuggled closer to him. 'Love you,' he told her. 'Love you too,' she returned.

Jesse glanced out of the window. It was supposed to be summer, but it was cold and grey outside. There were too many clouds in the sky. Today, Jesse felt that things might not be ok.

**_So yeah, I secretly ship St Evans...also don't worry, Johnny is back next chapter. He was laying low and plotting something big during this chapter. So yeah please can you REVIEW!_**

**_Also if there were people wanting St Berry romance story as opposed the St Berry bestfriends in this story, then please check out my story In The Lima Heights, that's 100% St Berry love: Jesse has a drug problem, Rachel is willing to do whatever it takes, there is smut...just check it out please :)_**

**_REVIEW!_**


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